Sunday, May 3, 2009

Giants baby!

I'd like to welcome myself to the world of Giants blogging.

Of course I am already a semi-established blogger of sorts, having hosted this one for several years.

Granted, I've still only managed 12 views a day, but still! They don't know what they're missing!

This blog is about something near and dear to my heart: loving the San Francisco Giants and hating the Los Angeles Dodgers. The Dodger Hater blog, in partnership with, will be updated once or twice a week with Giants news, takes, some brilliant analysis, and hate directed towards the Dodgers, their degenerate fans, and this disgusting megalopolis they represent.

With that said, let's talk Giants baseball.

With one of the best starting rotations is all of baseball, we've all become pleasantly used to the Orange & Black staying in ballgames. In a division that doesn't exactly reek of runs being scored, we pretty much have a shot in every game that we play.

Let's score some friggin runs here!

Our starting five of Timmy the Kid Lincecum, Matt Cain, The Big Unit, Barry Zito, and Jonathan Sanchez have a combined 3.72 ERA through Saturday. That is some of the most disgusting filth in the majors-- Good for 4th best.

What's even more amazing about this stat is that Timmy Franchise has a slightly inflated ERA of 3.16 due to two poor starts to open the year, and Barry Zito just hurled 7 innings of shutout 2 hit baseball!

Okay, I'm going to recalculate this bitch on the fly, how about this starting rotation ERA: 3.47. THANK YOU BARRY ZITO! (Seriously. I'm getting emotional about this... thank you so much.)

Despite the Giants' now league-leading 3.47 rotational ERA (FUCK YEAH!), the rubber match between the G-Men and the Rockies remains at 0-0 in the bottom of the 9th as I write this.

With such resounding nastiness coming from our starting pitching, it seems thoroughly wasteful to not score any runs for these guys. We will take this division and beat the Dodgers handily if we can just manage 5 runs a game, it is that simple.

For that to happen, GM Brian Sabean cannot sit back and "hope" that certain weak links in the lineup begin to hit. With Randy Winn, Travis Ishikawa, Manny Burriss, and Fred Lewis all scuffling badly, it is painfully obvious that we are going to lose some close games.

Seemingly the only guys we can count on to hit are our pudgy combination of Big Money Molina and Kung Fu Panda Sandoval.

With a dearth of reliable power in the lineup, we will continue to collectively scuffle. What we lack in hitting at the big league level however, we have plenty of in the minor leagues: young talented pitching.

Brian Sabean needs to make a trade sooner rather than later to get a big bat into this lineup. Anything short of trading Lincecum, Cain, or future superstars Madison Bumgarner, Buster Posey, or Angel Villalona, must be considered.

The "One Who Shall Not Be Named" sure would've helped this lineup with his disgusting hairstyle waving in the China Basin breeze against a backdrop of Chevron cartoon cars.

Instead, he's down there inhaling smog and contributing to the downfall of Western Civilization in Chavez Ravine-- a true pile of fecal matter.

The wild card is not coming out of the NL West, so we can and must win the NL West this season. The Los Angeles Assholes cannot prevail. Therefore, it is up to Sabean to get a bat.

The trade market for big hitters at this year's trade deadline is going to be very unpredictable. Some guys may be a available that we never thought possible.

Strike like lightning Sabean!

DODGER DOUCHEBAG(S) OF THE WEEK: Dodger Fans. They get there in the 3rd inning, leave in the 7th and don't sell out playoff games. What complete losers.

--------------------------------------NEWS FLASH-------------------------------------

LOS GIGANTES HAVE SCORED A RUN!!!! Rich Aurilia has knocked in backup catcher Steve Holm in the bottom of the 10th! Giants win 1-0! Woooooooooohoooooooooooo! Unfortunately the Dodgers have also won today 7-3 against the meek Los Padres de San Diego. Here's a fun fact: this is the Giants second 1-0 victory in the 10th inning this season. They did it against San Diego on April 22.

Seriously Sabean... get us a hitter... NOW.

That concludes post #1 of the Dodger Hater Blog. Make sure to check out and its complete line of Dodger Hating clothing. Represent the Orange & Black by ripping on the enemy!!!! Let the hate flow through you!

Eric Karros sucks,


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