I watched a bit of the Dodgers home opener against the D-Bags the other day, and was throughly disgusted by what I saw. I've come to the realization that I am simply grossed out just by the sight of Dodger fans-- let alone 55,000 of them. It is truly a nauseating blue that they wear (when they choose to support their team), and they are all complete slobs.
I think that during a fly ball hit by Chris Young towards the end of the game, I actually saw the Latin Kings carry out a jump in of a new recruit! All the while, the valley trash around them were doing the wave and smacking around beach balls. Just an appalling scene.
And if we need to review why Los Angeles is a hellhole, maybe we should go through a few things.
-- LA has 20 Spanish Radio stations (13 FM, 7 AM). Look, if you speak Spanish, that's fine, but last time I checked, this was America. I feel like the Giants are playing another country in a soccer game. Disturbing.
-- It is covered in concrete, shrouded in smog, and infested with porno people and gangs
-- The traffic makes you want to commit a murder-murder-murder-suicide of Manny Ramirez, Russell Martin, and Matt Kemp
-- Everyone there thinks they're cool, when they are all total douches
-- Their fans suck
-- Both Paris and Perez Hilton live there.
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-- Osama bin Laden is a Dodgers fan
Baseball-wise, there's no doubt in my mind that the Giants are a better team.
What this first series will illustrate is the dearth of quality pitching that the Dodgers have. It's almost pathetic. It's not quite Pittsburgh Pirates pathetic, but when you look at their staff, it makes you want to laugh out loud.
Rotation:
Vicente Padilla
Clayton Kershaw
Chad Billingsley
Hiroki Kurode
Charlie Haeger
Are you kidding me? You think you can win the NL West with that garbage? Vicente Padilla is probably the worst Opening Day starter I've ever seen, and he's pitched like it so far (11.32 ERA). Kershaw and Billingsley are decent young arms, but Billingsley has no control and Kershaw is also unpredictable. They are the equivalent of a homeless, retarded man's Matt Cain and Jonathan Sanchez. Unfortunately for them, if that's the best they've got, they're in for a world of disappointment come October. Plus, Lincecum is better than Kershaw and Billingsley with a Jim Beam hangover and a broken ring finger on his throwing hand.
The Dodgers' bullpen is even funnier:
Jeff Weaver - Headcase, washed-up bum
Ramon Troncoso - The foreign Brandon Medders
George Sherrill - One of the decent guys in the pen has a 15.00 ERA
Carlos Monasterios - Whoooooooooooooooo?
Ramon Ortiz - The guy couldn't hack it for the Giants in AAA Fresno. Seriously. He was released by the Giants because he sucks.
Russ Ortiz - Yes. Russ Ortiz, a guy we liked as a Giant, is a Dodger. A sad day.
Jonathan Broxton - The only decent pitcher in their pen. Looks like a sleaze.
So, there you have it. The achilles heel of the Dodgers is their pathetic pitching staff. Do they have an impressive outfield? Yeah. I'll give it to them. On paper, it is impressive. But look, it takes a lot more than that to make the playoffs, and it'll take a lot more to win a series from the Gyros. Remember, good pitching is always better than good hitting.
So let's all flip LA the bird and enjoy our upcoming sweep!
And I hope Russell Martin gets drilled in the ribs!
