Thursday, May 7, 2009

Karma's a bitch: Manny "totally devastated!"

Well, well, well. What do we have here?

Manny Ramirez of the disgusting Dodgers has been suspended for 50 games for supposedly taking a banned substance. Excuse me while I celebrate!

In fact, waking up to this news has not only made my day, but could possibly make my week-- we'll see how the Mexican party bus in San Francisco goes on Friday.

The mere fact that this suspension has taken place is not only a victory for Giants fans, but a sign that good still has the edge over evil in this world.

As the shirts say, Osama bin Laden is a Dodgers fan.

According to, Manny will be suspended for 50 games, making him eligible for a return on July 3rd against The Whale's Vagina Padres. He will also lose nearly $8 million dollars!!! Whammy!

Even more interesting about this story is the apparent substance that he took. Ramirez claims that it was a prescription from his physician for a "personal health issue". Naturally the doctor didn't know it was banned and Manny didn't bother with it. A typical refrain.

ESPN's resident character assasin Mark Fairnu-Wada immediately jumped into action. This is the same guy who's made it his life's mission to ruin Barry. Finally he's got some fresh meat. Fairnu-Wada reported to ESPN that the drug " hCG -- human chorionic gonadotropin. HCG is a women's fertility drug typically used by steroid users to restart their body's natural testosterone production as they come off a steroid cycle."

I did a little indepedent research here (yeah, I Googled it and clicked on the Wikipedia result).

From Wikipedia:

"Human chorionic gonadotropin (hCG) is a glycoprotein hormone produced in pregnancy that is made by the developing embryo soon after conception and later by the syncytiotrophoblast (part of the placenta). Its role is to prevent the disintegration of the corpus luteum of the ovary and thereby maintain progesterone production that is critical for a pregnancy in humans. hCG may have additional functions; for instance, it is thought that hCG affects the immune tolerance of the pregnancy. Early pregnancy testing, in general, is based on the detection or measurement of hCG. Because hCG is produced also by some kinds of tumor, hCG is an important tumor marker, but it is not known whether this production is a contributing cause or an effect of tumorigenesis.

In the world of performance enhancing drugs, hCG is increasingly used in combination with various anabolic androgenic steroid (AAS) cycles. It is included in some sports' illegal drug lists.

When AAS are put into a male body, the body's natural negative-feedback loops cause the body to shut down its own production of testosterone via shutdown of the hypothalamic-pituitary-gonadal axis (HPGA). It is a common misconception that estrogen will be elevated post cycle. Generally, estrogen is below a normal level after a cycle.[11] High levels of AASs that mimic the body's natural testosterone trigger the hypothalamus to shut down its production of gonadotropin-releasing hormone (GnRH) from the hypothalamus. Without GnRH, the pituitary gland stops releasing luteinizing hormone (LH). LH normally travels from the pituitary via the blood stream to the testes, where it triggers the production and release of testosterone. Without LH, the testes shut down their production of testosterone, causing testicular atrophy.

In males, hCG mimics LH and helps restore and maintain testosterone production in the testes. As such, hCG is commonly used during and after steroid cycles to maintain and restore testicular size as well as endogenous testosterone production. However, if hCG is used for too long and in too high a dose, the resulting rise in natural testosterone will eventually inhibit its own production via negative feedback on the hypothalamus and pituitary."

If you were too lazy to read that, I'll summarize it for you. Either ManRam is pregnant or he was a hardcore juicer and his nutsac shrank up and stopped producing ManJuice. Haha!

It also says that Manny should have his character assassinated in the media the same way Barry's was. But of course it won't be. Manny will get the Clemens treatment... meaning the benefit of the doubt. Which he has gotten so far from Peter Gammons and Tim Kurkjian. Typical.

But not in here.

Definitely sounds like a "personal medical issue" to me!
Even better than this, the Dodgers are now potentially screwed until July-- even though I don't think Manny is capable of that right now (couldn't resist). It pains me to say that they have been rolling, even setting records by winning 13 in a row at home.

The Giants need to take full advantage of this while they can, especially in head-to-head matchups.

All I have to say to the Dodgers is:



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