This blog is dedicated first and foremost to the San Francisco Giants. Secondly it is devoted to the smearing and ripping of the most disgusting franchise in professional sports: The Los Angeles Dodgers.
You already know about this, because you're a normal person in 2012. I just thought I should reiterate, because I'm a blogger and it is my self-appointed job to regurgitate news that you already know and pretend like you need to hear it from me to make myself feel important.
We all wanted to continue the Pagan worship that we enjoyed last season-- but at a reasonable cost.
Ostensibly, Pagan is going to make $10MM a year. Pretty damn steep if you ask me. Last year I didn't expect him to be better than a fringe starter. Now all of the sudden, he's a $10MM a year man. Hard to figure, but he had a career year and he fits perfectly into the Giants' style of play and ballpark.
You also have to consider the pathetic FA market this off season and the fact that BJ Upton, who although younger and more gifted, plays the game half as hard as Pagan and he got 5/$75MM from Atlanta.
If that no-effort nutsac with a sub .800 OPS gets $15MM a year, then Pagan is certainly worth his deal. Supply and demand...
Assuming he has 4 similar seasons to 2012, I have no problem with this seemingly bloated contract. He plays plus defense and gets on base. He had 15 triples last year and is a good base runner.
He might be overpaid now, but he's a good guy and a good player. Plus, after winning "two in three", I really don't give a rat's ass about the Giants' revenue stream or finances anymore.
They've somehow managed to do what they've done by making tons of head scratching moves, and although we can't stop analyzing or questioning things, I feel like there has to be a higher level of trust between us fans and the front office at this juncture.
On that note, I do trust in their ability to re-sign Marco AND Brian Wilson.
I know people are turned off by Wilson's supposed interest in the Blue Bastards, but that is just a negotiating tactic and apparently they aren't interested in him anyway. He wants as much guaranteed money as possible and that's the way pro sports works at this point.
Even if Romo is the closer now, I'd like to see Wilson back, at least for one year in some capacity. I know it's just sentimental, but I don't care.
I'm not saying it's not a big deal, because it certainly is. The guy has been pretty damned good since bursting onto the scene in 2008 and saving 41 games. Average players don't complete as many pressure-packed late inning scenarios as Wilson has, and that needs to be recognized. So yes, Brian Wilson will be missed.
He was nails in 2010, and his iconic weirdness and magnetic aura has drawn interest from around the country-- not just the sporting world.
With that said, I am bummed for him personally, because I know how hard he works and how much he lives for closing out ballgames. However, I'm not bumming for the Giants and for the bullpen.
Ask fantasy baseball gurus what their number one rule is about drafting a team, and inevitably, you're going to hear, "Never overpay for saves" come up a whole bunch.
The theory of course being that, while one guy is drafting Jonathan Papelbon in the 5th round while passing up Lance Berkman, the savvy manager is drafting Berkman, then snagging the likes of Sean Marshall or Grant Balfour in the later rounds while the initial dope is scouring the scrap heap for his third OF.
I am not 100% equating fantasy baseball to real life, because it is nowhere near the same, but I believe there is a shred of truth in the aforementioned concept.
Just look at the rapid rate of closer turnover in baseball. Let's be real. Unless your name is Trevor Hoffman or Mariano Rivera, a good run for a closer is like 6 years.
Think about names like Derrick Turnbow, Takashi Saito, Bobby Jenks, BJ Ryan, Brandon Lyon, Jonathan Broxton.
Where are they all now? They were all pretty good for a little while weren't they? Scoff if you will, because some names aren't nearly as good as others, but the point is, all of these guys were starting closers fairly recently.
The main point in all of this is that only the best of the best of the very best having the staying power, overall health, and talent that people like Rivera or Hoffman have.
Based on Wilson's 2010 campaign, one can't deny that he was elite. 2011 was a slightly different story, but based on what we know now, he was obviously breaking down. Now that we know that, I think it's amazing that he did as well as he did.
I won't miss his heart attack-inducing appearances, but I will miss hearing "Jump Around" so often, and I will miss the confidence that goes along with having an elite closer at the end of the game.
With that said, I'm not too worried about the void left by Wilson's injury. I believe that we have the guys to take care of the problem.
Will there be bumps in the road? Hiccups? Yes. Saves will be blown occasionally, and during those disappointing nights, we will see millions of tweets about how much everyone misses Wilson. It's going to happen.
But, the two guys I'm looking at-- Romo and Casilla-- both have closer-type stuff and the ability to close out games.
It's the mentality of the pitcher that gets those last three outs more than anything else. It's a killer instinct and a confidence that can only be gained through success and self-belief.
Do Casilla and Romo possess these qualities?
It's hard to say.
On paper, Casilla has the fireballing stuff of a closer, and if this was a video game, I'd go with him. However, Sergio Romo has (I believe) that little extra intangible something that I think will help him nail down the most 9th inning work. First of all, Romo's stats the last few years have been among the best in baseball. Look at last year:
65 Games, 1.50 ERA, 13.13 K/9, 0.71 WHIP, .171 Avg. against, and my favorite, a 14.0 K:BB ratio.
Are you kidding me? Let's just define that in words for a second. That means for every walk Romo allowed in 2011, he struck out 14 guys. Wow.
Comparing Romo's stats last year to Wilson's doesn't quite seem fair, so let's take a look at Wilson's for 2010, his best year:
I'm not trying to be a stat Saberjerk, because you should know by now how I feel about WARS, FLIPS, FGUS% ratios and whatnot, but it really is an interesting comparison.
Stat-wise, Romo's got him (or Got Heeeem, if you will) beat fairly handily-- all except for that last little tidbit, the saves.
You can have all the stats in the world, but if you lose ballgames, you don't have a damn thing.
I fully expect Wilson back next season around mid April, and I think he will at some point regain his closing role and abilities, but for now, let's see if Romo has what it takes to save the day and close out a few games.
Are you kidding me? Who the hell are these guys? How do they keep doing this? WHAT IS GOING ON HERE???
It's not like I doubted the Giants could get to the playoffs and do some damage in the first round, but I don't think any of us could have expected to be in a situation like this.
About 5 minutes after the dust settled, I said out loud-- partly to my dad, and partly to no one-- "We're up 3-1. I can't believe it. We're up 3-1. This is really happening."
There is simply no apt way to describe the feeling most of us have right now. Over a lifetime as fans, we devote tens of thousands of hours, spend thousands of dollars, and invest immeasurable amounts of emotion in our teams. We do all this in hopes that when it's all said and done, someday we are in a position like we're in right now.
We are one game from the World Series.
I almost don't even want to say it. I feel like we're in the 7th inning of a perfect game... shhh! Don't say it! With another dream Lincecum/Halladay matchup set to begin Thursday evening, we must remind ourselves that this series is not even close to being over. Halladay is capable of shutting us out, as is Roy Oswalt during a potential Game 6 in Philadelphia. With that said, here are my observations from Games 3 and 4.
Game 3
-- Matt Cain was an absolute monster. After a horrible performance in the regular season's final series against San Diego, I was worried about him a little bit. After a tough luck loss against Atlanta, I felt a little better. But after Tuesday's performance, I fully expect to win whenever he starts.
-- Cain and Buster Posey are what you call "old souls". With Cain, a longtime veteran at the age of 26 and Posey, a 23 year old rookie, there is a calming presence that the two of them bring to the table. I imagine that their quiet, confident demeanors, steady emotions, and workmanlike attitudes rub off on their teammates-- and I'm not talking about only the young ones. They act as though they've been there a million times, although neither has. I tell you, if all hell broke loose, you'd want those two guys around... and not just because they're both country boys who could probably get a seized up motor running and tie a clean Carolina rig onto 10 lb. test mono-filament line. They basically set the example of what a big league ballplayer is supposed to be. Truly remarkable considering their ages.
-- Edgar Renteria on Cain's performance: “CAIN IS UNBELIEVABLE. WHEN I SAW HIM IN THE FIRST INNING, I KNEW IT WAS GOING TO BE A BIG GAME FOR US. JUST TRY TO SCORE ANY RUNS.”
-- And how good has Javier Lopez been? Silent Assasin? I like it.
Game 4
-- Madison Bumgarner again looked solid. His 6 strikeouts seemed to be par for his course lately. He battled, but didn't have his best stuff. Hey, he was better than Philly's 4th starter, Joe Blanton.
-- Santiago Casilla can be extremely erratic at times. He's been pretty solid up until this series. He worries me a bit. Some of these bullpen guys look like they're "leaking oil".
-- Cody Ross--- excuse me, Cody "Boss" had another huge hit. Remember when all you jerks were mad at him for that error he made in RF a month ago? I told you he was a good player. He is simply on a hot streak that not even he can comprehend. As good as our pitching has been, Mr. Rosstober has been equally important... and I don't see this stopping anytime soon. -- Sandoval got a huge double. Nice to see. It gave us the lead, and it gave him a boost of confidence.
-- Sandoval immediately took this boost of confidence, and grounded into a double play with the bases loaded and one out. In case you were wondering, that was double play #26 on the season.
All Pablo needed to do was hit the ball into the outfield for a sac fly. He is a continuing liability at the plate, and I will continue to dislike him until he becomes a smarter baseball player.
And look how important that run was! WE NEEDED THAT RUN! Because...
-- Bochy doesn't get it. He still doesn't friggin get it. SERGIO ROMO CANNOT BE TRUSTED! I don't care that he rebounded after that run-scoring hit he allowed. This is the playoffs and he obviously is not pitching well enough. I know Bochy is a player's manager and he LOVES "sticking with his guys", but if there are two guys that cannot be trusted to get out of tight, inherited jams, it's Romo, and to a lesser extent, Casilla.
And back to that Sandoval GIDP... NOW DO YOU SEE, YOU MORON ZOO ANIMAL PANDA! GET THE RUN HOME!
-- Andres Torres has probably earned himself a start after showing signs of life in the past two games.
-- Nate Schierholtz is now an automatic out. He is officially approaching Rowand territory in hitting uselessness, and I honestly think he should start laying down a bunt up the 3rd base line ever time he hits until they start playing him in.
I met him once. He's a good guy, and I don't like disparaging good guys, but he is just not a good hitter, and is at a career crossroads. Right now, he's looking like a career 4th or 5th OF and defensive replacement. I know it's extremely difficult to produce without consistent at bats, but this is getting ridiculous.
Stretching back into the regular season, Schierholtz is 5-29, a .174 avg.
-- Ryan Howard and Chase Utley look lost for the most part.
-- Buster Posey was 4-4 after appearing tired and "slumpy" in the past couple games. I think the last time I said he was tired he hit a huge home run against San Diego.
And my God, what a play at home plate today. On a crazy/great throw by Rowand, Posey kept the game from getting out of hand with an amazing play at the plate. This guy is incredible.
-- Pat Burrell has a great eye. That is all.
-- Home Plate umpire Wally Bell was horribly inconsistent. This crew has been a disaster overall. Ted Barrett in Game 3 was the only guy worth his salt. Cousins, Iassogna and Bell were just not good. While Cousins and Iassogna don't know the difference between a ball and a strike, Bell just can't seem to remember whether he or not he's going to maintain a zone or just start anew each batter.
-- Charlie Manuel made a couple questionable decisions. Firstly, why leave a young Antonio "Diabeto" Bastardo to face Posey after he was brought in to face Huff, a lefty on lefty matchup? After all, Bastardo doesn't have much experience and righties like Posey hit .300 off of the bastard in '10. Why not bring in Madson right there?
-- The whole Oswalt thing was bizarre. I know he's awesome and everything, but why not bring in Lidge for the 9th? I know it wasn't a save situation, but if you're down to the bottom of the barrel, do you think it's wise to use a guy going on 2.5 days rest? And oh yeah, It was more like 4 hours rest, because Oswalt threw a scheduled side session before the game. And this move came from the guy who didn't want to start Roy Halladay on three days rest, leaving Blanton available for long relief work. Philly fans want Manuel's head on a platter right now. And they may get it.
-- I just checked the comment feed on the Philly.com game story. HILARIOUS. I just wish I could get Sylvester Stallone to read them all in his Rocky voice. Here is my favorite:
"Can we keep the Phillies biggest annual October choker Rollins nailed to the bench. He got picked off in the 2nd. He ended both the 4th and 5th innings by striking out with runners on. In the 7th he booted a tailor made double play that could have lost the game. In the 8th he comes up with a runner on 2nd, no outs and pops up. The next time someone calls this career .224 October hitter a big game player, they should be put in jail."
Philly fans are so much more entertaining when they're losing... hahaha
-- How huge was Juan Uribe? He comes into the game cold, and immediately makes a helluva play to nail Ross Gload at first. Say what you will about his range, but he is an above average shortstop and I want him back in 2011.
-- Oh yeah, and he also hit a sac fly to win the game. See Pablo, that's how you do it. What an exhilarating moment for Giants fans. Juan Uribe became only the 4th player in Giants history to hit a walkoff RBI. Wild.
He's said it multiple times on the air, and usually, the description is plenty apt. This team isn't nearly as frustrating as version 20.09, in fact, not even close. The fact is, we're not going to win every game. The sign of a good team is that we are in every game, every night. The opportunity to win is half the battle, and the other half is doing a little bit better than a tie game.
Hey look, those two walkoff losses to the Mets were absolutely killer, and the one where Romo blew ANOTHER game on Sunday would've been a gut-wrencher after the previous two games. But look at the bright side. How about John Bowker coming up huge with a pinch hit dong off of one of the best closers in baseball?
I've said it before multiple times, and I will continue to say it:
"THIS TEAM NEVER GIVES UP, AND IT'S CAPABLE OF COMING BACK FROM ANYTHING."
I mean, last season we were giving up in the 6th inning with 4-1 deficits staring us in the collective face. This season? We're good to go. We can tie this thing up! We can win this thing! It's just sooooooo much better.
And how about some more positive stuff. Some guy named Aaron Rowand did as much for the success of this Florida/New York road trip as the starting pitching staff. He really did. He hit a huge homer in Florida, made multiple run-saving catches, and hit the biggest go-ahead roundtripper of the season on Sunday when the team needed it the most. I know he's been only a first half player for us, but he's hitting .321 with 17 RBI. That's all we ever wanted for the $60MM, man...
Things are fairly solid around here. Not amazing, not terrible, but pretty, kinda, alright, and sorta good. As frustrating and torturous as Romo/Runzler have been at times, in conjunction with Wellemeyer, the "Other Jonathan Sanchez" in a couple starts, and Kung Fu's retarded slump, at the end of the day, you need to look at the big picture, and the manner in which that big picture is being filled in.
Anyway....
Notes/Musings:
Huffing & Puffing
Aubrey Huff is an absolute gamer. The guy has played a solid 1B. And for you Sabermetric jerks, you can even believe it, because he's sporting a 4.0 UZR/150 rating. See, I coulda told you he was playing a good first base by watching how he plays the game and the fact that he only has one error, but since I used an obscure statistical formulated index average thingy, now we can agree. End of side rant.
What I really love about Huff is that he is simply a ballplayer, a gamer, the type of guy who knows where to be, what to do, and you can tell that he is not the most gifted athlete in the land, but the guy who gets absolutely the most out of his abilities by giving his all. He's chasing after foul pop ups, covering second base when Uribe/Downs/Rowand can't make a catch. It's just good to see. The most encouraging sign about Huff is that he's really driving the ball. Unfortunately, he's driving the ball to right-center most of the time in AT&T, Citi, and the Ghost of Joe Robbie Fields/Stadium. In all honesty, this guy has hit around 9 or 10 yahtzee shots thus far, but only a handful have made it out due to whatever cavernous outfield he happens to be swinging at.
Plus, whenever he has to run 180 feet at a time, it is absolutely hilarious. It's like he just ran a drunken marathon. All the Joe Eighteen Packs watching him can relate.
Romo has to go...
You ain't gotta go home, but you can't stay here bro. We all like you Serge, but you're losing games for us. If Row doesn't hit one out, you could've ruined another game Sunday in cahoots with your boy Runzler. Is this what we're doing now? You two are like the anti-win squad right now. Runzler sets the table with like 3 walks, then you serve up a hairy meatball for a dong?
It certainly seems that way lately, which is why I could've just KILLED Bochy when he brought you in on Sunday. I was like "Noooooooooooooooooooooooo!". Sure enough... well. You know what happened. This site isn't about recaps, remember? There are rumblings that Romo may be sent to Fresno for a little while to regain his slider's snap, and maybe rest a little while. I find it hard to believe that the guy already has a tired arm, as we are what, like, 6 games into the season? However, he has been used a lot, and many times in high-pressure situations. As we know, this team doesn't do anything the easy way. He'll continue to be an important part of the team, but obviously his workload and stress level have to be reduced.
And as some of you will recall, I wrote an article earlier this season stating that indeed, the Romo/Runzler tandem was the key to the overall success and health of the bullpen. If they suck, we're screwed. Hell it made MLBTradeRumors. They know good stuff when they see it.
The Sanchez Sitch
I bet you haven't seen the word "Sitch" in print since the last TMZ article you read about Jersey Shore. Well. I'm bringing it back before Season 2 in a non-Mike Sorrentino sort of context.
This particular sitch involves a dude owed $12MM over this season and next, which is not looking like a very good scene right now. Honestly, we might as well be paying "The Situation" instead of Freddy Sanchez right now, because at least we'd get some entertainment value out of him. For all we know, Freddy Sanchez is going to the gym, tanning, and doing his laundry every day on Neukom's dime.
In all seriousness though, We've got an interesting couple of decisions to make once F-Sanch returns in a week or two. The common suggestion is that with our hundreds of mega-super-ultra utility men (sounds like a Japanese animation show that gives 8 year olds seizures), Bochy can just rotate guys in and out to give a guy a day off or play situational matchups. More realistically, Matt Downs is actually hitting. Yeah. He's actually hitting to the tune of a .359 average and a .459 on base %. He's obviously not gonna win a batting title, and we don't know if the Tuscaloosa native will ever be a fulltime starter in this league, but my vote is for delaying Sanchez's arrival until Downs cools off at least.
But then what about when Renteria comes back? I'm still not ready to throw him away like gross 4 day old Chinese food. I still believe he's capable of being 70% of the Renteria of old. Groin pulls are nagging things.
The only thing about that is that now Uribe and Huff are in danger of losing AB's, while the .350+ hitting Downs is sent to Fresno or deep in "Bochy's Hole of No Return" like poor Johnny Bowker from next door.
It's quite the conundrum indeed. I expect to be frustrated by the outcome.
Panda & DeRosa... WTF?
DeRosa's struggles are frustrating. As we know, he's making good money, and all the Debbie Downer's out there who ripped the signing from the beginning are jumping around and clicking their heels like a prospector on angel dust. Well, forget you guys. The sample size is not nearly big enough to declare anything. It's just one of those deep funks... and not the good kind of funk like Earth Wind & Fire.
He's pressing, and that usually never works out. He had a multi-hit game in Florida, which was encouraging, but success overall has been eluding Marky Mark. I think perhaps he's the guy who could benefit from a couple days off and some hardcore video sessions.
Hey... that's not what I meant. I meant reviewing his at bats! Get your heads out of the gutter.
As for Kung Fu, well, he's a frustrating dude. It just looks like opposing pitchers are beginning to figure him out a bit. They're throwing high fastballs at him, and he's swinging at them (as usual). It's unfortunate that such a simple thing is having success with such a talented swinger. He's another guy who needs to ride the pine for a game or two, to get his head right.
But as Krook said, "He's a hack, and he's gotta hack his way out of this."
Pablo is 3 for his last 39 and is hitting only .231 from the right side. Cause for concern, yes. Freak out session? Not yet.
Knock knock joke!
Knock Knock. Who's There? Orange. Orange Who? Orange you glad we don't have Oliver Perez? That guy sucks big time! One of the worst contracts in baseball history. 3 years, $36MM. You think Sabean is bad? How about Omar Minaya. Guy should be fired immediately.
And the NY Post is hilarious. "HOMEWRECKER". HAHA.
Firstly, I'd like to apologize for not getting any articles out recently (other than some nonsense). It's been a little hectic (for my standards). I have been Twittering about stuff, and I encourage you to follow @TheDodgerhater if you're into that sort of thing. It's kinda fun, and I never thought I'd ever be down.
With all the Spring Training topics to BS about (or freak out about), I thought I'd kinda do something different for this post. I could talk about the Bumgarner nightmare, or the fact that Buster Posey has a 1.055 OPS while Big Money Molina's is even better (1.077). I'm choosing to look forward, rather than focus the all too tough-to-decipher Spring Training scene.
Last year, Sabean signed some random dudes named Justin Miller and Brandon Medders to throw baseballs for a living. "I'm a Little Bit Country" Medders and "I'm a little bit Rock & Roll" Miller were serious cogs in our 'pen all season long-- especially Miller.
Miller essentially became the 7th inning bridge to Affeldt and Wilson that Lurch Howry was supposed to be, and goddamn did he excel at it. Until he broke down at the end of the year (which was due to serious injury) Miller was sick.
During this time, Sergio Romo was a bit of an enigma. When right, his movement is purely disgusting. His breaking balls almost look like screwballs and he backdoors left-handers like it's his job. (Uh... yeah)
But as a relatively inexperienced dude, he got into a serious funk befitting Earth Wind & Fire or the Ohio Players. Remember last July when he gave up 7 earnies is 3 appearances? Despite his impressive performance last year overall, there were times when he just wasn't trustworthy. This year he will be required to be Justin Miller-- a steadfast 7th inning monster, minus the "LA" tattoo and the August/September breakdown.
(Quick note: Justin Miller is now a Dodger, so from here on out, he shall not be mentioned)
The other guy in the 2010 pen who is both intriguing and hair-raisingly exciting, is rookie Danny Runzler.
A guy buried on many's radars, The Runzmeister burst onto the scene as a late callup in '09, K'ing 11 in as many appearances. Armed with a gaseous heater and some wicked breaking stuff, we could really be looking at the closer of the future. As much as I like B-Weezy, the "Mullethawked One" will become increasingly expensive in his next two arby hearings.
I believe Runzler to be fully ready to step into a significant bullpen role in 2010 as a both a situational lefty (.059 BAA vs. lefties in '09), and a guy who can give you a solid inning or two in any situation. Currently in Scottsdale, he has K'd 9 in only 4.2 innings. Yeah, yeah, I know. It's Spring Training, and he's thrown a limited amount of innings as a real pro, but this guy has shown nothing but promise and deliverance thus far.
As the season goes on, he will likely hit bumps in the road as all young big leaguers do. However, all indications thus far tell me that this cat is ready for the show.
As for the rest of the bullpen, I see nothing but good things. Assuming we keep 12 pitchers (not a guarantee), we're looking at a pen of Brian Wilson, Jeremy Affeldt, Romo, Runzler, Medders, Todd Wellemeyer, and either Waldis Joaquin, Steve Johnson, Kevin Pucetas, or Guillermo Mota.
Personally, Pucetas looks like the 5th starter at this point, but that's another article for another day.
Indeed my friends, this bullpen looks deep, it looks solid, and I for one am very excited about it.
My buddy Spence and I were talking about how Sergio Romo went from lockdown to disaster in the span of a week. One of us called him a "two faced bitch." This inevitably led to a discussion of what kind of woman each Giants pitcher would be. No homo.
When you put it in these analytical terms, it makes more sense. I mean, what else do we Giants fans think about? Chicks and sports. Only if you're lucky do the two work seamlessly with each other. Anyway. Hope you get some laughs and insight into this.
Tim Lincecum
Timmy is the keeper of a lifetime. She's the girl that if you're lucky enough to convince her to dig you, you better not mess it up. She's sexy as hell, smart, laid back, will age well, and has enough of a wild streak to keep you begging for more without being a crazy ass bitch. (I'm picturing Katherine Heigl here). This is the one you need to marry. If you don't, you might see her going out with some douchebag from New York City or Boston someday, and you'll never forgive yourself as long as you live.
Matt Cain
Cain is the friend with benefits that wants to be more, but you just aren't sure. She's not unattractive by any means, and has even gotten better looking in recent years by dropping a few pounds. But no matter what she does, you're always going to see her more as a friend than a girlfriend. Plus her best friend is Tim Lincecum, and she'll never be able to top that.
Jonathan Sanchez
Wow! What a butterface! Sanchez is the girl that almost has it all. She's got a body to die for and a fun personality, but you have a hard time looking at her face. It usually takes a few vodka tonics to make you forget about her mug sometimes, and dimly lit bars or dark bedrooms are the best settings for her. Every now and then, she'll wear a trashy denim skirt and low cut tank top to a Kenny Chesney concert and you'll forget all about her facial shortcomings.
Randy Johnson
Randy Johnson is a cougar on the prowl. Man she was hot back when she was younger. Still, even at 45 years old, you'll see her hustling pool at the Silver Peso in Larkspur or the Viking in Novato, and think, man, for 45, she's still pretty hot and I'd still do her. Plus you've seen pictures of her back at 26, and it's like, "Damn... she was unbelievable." Ryan Sadowski
Ryan Sadowski is the goofy band camp geek from high school that you never talked to, but ran into at a party in college a few years later. She gets liquored up from 3 screwdrivers and some Natty Light out of the keg and admits she's had a crush on you since Freshman year. She's throws herself at you, and since you've been hitting the Beam and Diets all night, you can't help but do it. Then you feel horrible in the morning because you can't stand the sight of her and her clinginess and knew it was a huge mistake.
Barry Zito
Barry Zito is the girl you thought was Tim Lincecum. You thought she had all those qualities and you could spend the rest of your life with her. You have a child together, and you're doing great in your career, making 7 figures. Next thing you know, she starts drinking and stops caring. You become the bad guy for working so much, and inevitably an ugly divorce ensues. You want so badly never to see her again, but she takes all your money, and you have to keep things civil for the sake of your daughter. Next thing you know, after she's taken everything from you, and you think you're rid of her, she marries some famous guy from LA, gets 3 plastic surgery procedures, and looks better than ever in the tabloids on the arm of that jerk. She ruined everything.
Sergio Romo
Romo was smoking hot in her senior year of high school. She was a high 8 then, and everyone thought she'd only get better looking. Then you saw her next summer, and she'd put on 20 pounds in college and wore the same kinds of clothes that she did before. Smoking a pack of Marb Lights and drinking a fifth of vodka in a night is nothing for her. But would you still do her? Of course. Plus, once she gets her life back together and gets over the craziness of sorority life, she'll probably return to a level comparable to her original form.
Jeremy Affeldt
Affeldt is solid as a rock. She's definitely marriage material. Not too exciting or overly sexy, but is pretty and is generally even keel. She makes you better and doesn't have any negative qualities. Plus she's a lefty and a great mom.
Bobby Howry
Howry is a plain jane that had some good years in her prime. She's more personality than looks, but is so damn weird that no one wastes their time trying to figure her out. She's like an accountant or librarian that went downhill quickly after age 35 and will never recover. Probably an X-Files fan. Justin Miller
Justin Miller is the weird punk/hippie chick that you don't really know, but have met once or twice through friends. She's into a totally different scene than you, and some of the things you've heard her say are offensive and bizarre, but it's because she's so counter-cultural that you're intrigued. Yes, you've thought about it, but it'll never happen. YOU STILL WITH ME??
Brandon Medders
Medders is the country bumpkin from out yonder. You love her accent and the fact that she barrel races in rodeos and knows how to bass fish, but she's just not attractive enough for you to be interested in. Could she get the job done? Of course! What else is there to do in the sticks? But... ehh...
Bonus pitchers:
Madison Bumgarner & Tim Alderson
They are jailbait. Maybe 16 or 17 years old, maybe your buddy's little sister. They're drop dead gorgeous and definitely mature enough, but the law-abiding citizen in you says "NO!" and jumps into water at Ocean Beach. You feel weird for thinking about them, but then try to justify it because they're only thoughts. You promise yourself you'll test the waters around Christmas break in a year or two when you see them at a family friend's party.
Merkin Valdez
First of all, if you don't know what a "merkin" is. Click here. Hilarious.
Merkin Valdez is the foreign chick. Maybe she works at the Mexican restaurant, maybe she's a foreign exchange student. Either way she's got some hot Latina stuff going on that you're very intrigued by. She doesn't speak English, so you don't know how to hit on her, except she understands what you're getting at once you buy her a shot of tequila and lead her onto the dance floor. Obviously not girlfriend material, but exciting nonetheless.
Last but not least...
Brian Wilson
Brian Wilson is nuts. She is the craziest chick ever. She dyes her hair black and she's got blue eyes. She rides a Harley and loves to drink whiskey. She's got a tattoo that peeks out above her low-rise jeans and it wraps all the way around. You're dying to see it. She's Megan Fox.
"She's like a needle to a junkie, she's like whiskey to a drunk. Poker to a gambler, like a bullet in a gun... You can't quit her." -- Gary Allan
She's the crazy ass chick you can't keep up with but can't get enough of. It might be the death of you, but you can't quit her.
Hilarious stuff there. And no one is picturing the Giants as women... just an interesting take on it. Plus... tell me I'm not right! Can someone PLEASE get Bill Simmons to put this in his mailbag?? Haha. Later dudes.
Wow... are we really getting into these old ways again? Unable to hit the broad side of a barn if they were swinging a guitar at a beach ball from 5 feet away, the Giants have brought back memories of May and a disturbing lack of offensive production.
Not only this, but we've now been blown out twice by Atlanta consecutively and been quieted in two out of three in Pittsburgh. It is especially scary what happened on Monday in Fulton County, Georgia. Sanchez gave up three runs-- and he should be able to do that. If every starter gave up three runs, that team should be able to win. It was the bullpen-- namely Sergio Romo and Bobby Howry, that scared the daylights out of me.
This was our rock. Our bullpen turned a leak in the hull into a gaping wound.
Romo is the most concerning to me. Romo has allowed 6 earned runs in his past 2 outings-- AND WAS UNABLE TO RECORD A SINGLE OUT IN EITHER OF THEM.
In his last 4 appearances, he's given up 7 ER in 2 innings, and seen his impeccable ERA rise from 2.77 to 6.59. I like his stuff when it's moving, but this is a "what-have-you-done-for-me-lately" type of world, and he's singlehandedly helped put two games in Atlanta out of reach.
As for out hitting... WE'VE SCORED 9 RUNS IN OUR LAST 5 GAMES!
Yikes.
And we're not playing in the AL East here. Paul Maholm, Zach Duke, Tommy Hanson, and Derek Lowe are not CC Sabathia, AJ Burnett, Josh Beckett, and Jon Lester.
With Aaron Rowand out with a contusion and slumping badly (to the tune of 4-42 stretch), we've got some serious water pouring into the boat.
The offensive renaissance the Gyros have enjoyed in late May and June has been due to Rowand's production, and the lack of Manny Burriss and Fred Lewis stinking it up on a regular basis.
Now we've got Lewis back, and John "Eurubiel Durazo T-Rex Arms" Bowker manning right field.
It's scary... especially with Pablo and Bengie hitting a combined .241 with 1 RBI so far on this roadie.
Deep breath everyone.
HAPPY LINCECUM DAY!
If we ever needed it to be Lincecum's turn to pitch, this is it. After The Big Sadowski's 8 ER disaster last night, we need someone to stop the bleeding and get some solid mojo action going.
We'll see how it goes.
DODGER DOUCHEBAG OF THE WEEK: Jason "Benedict Arnold" Schmidt
Schmidt should be a warning to anyone who willingly signs with the Dodgers after achieving "adored Giant" status. Inevitably karma will kick your ass. On Monday, the artist formerly known as Schmitty, notched only his 2nd win since signing a 3 year, $47 million dollar deal with the jerks in blue. If his shoulder were to re-give out tomorrow, each of his two wins would have cost Frank McCourt $23.5 million dollars apiece.
That makes me smile.
And this picture of Manny getting beaned against Cincinnati also makes me smile.
