Brian Wilson: Blackbeard and Blue Bastard

I wish I didn't care... I honestly do. I wish I didn't form attachments to players and memories and things like that, but unfortunately, that's just the way I operate. Some people are able to be far more rational and detached when it comes to sports, and sometimes I envy them for that.

For me, the news that Brian Wilson chose to sign with the Dodgers of his own volition was really disturbing.

Boo this man!

For me, it felt like a personal attack, as if he himself was trying to get back at me by doing what I would hate and despise the most. Obviously, my reaction proves that I'm either way too sensitive, obsessed with hating the Dodgers, mentally ill, or a little bit of all three.

Regardless, it was just horrible news to most Giants fans.

This was a dude we embraced and celebrated, even though towards the end, he was getting too weird to defend. He was a big part of two of the biggest highlights of my life as a Giants fan-- getting both outs via strikeout to beat both the Phillies in the NLCS and the Rangers in the World Series back in '10. There are also pictures of me celebrating from that November night in 2010 with the piss-poor dyed black imitation rally beard I'd grown for the playoff run indelibly grown onto my face.

These types of memories for people simply can't be erased, and remain so etched in peoples' minds, that even though he's basically been gone for two seasons, it's still upsetting to see him signing with LA.

I wish there was some sort of loyalty in sports today in the era of free agency and everything else, but you rarely see it. As many people pointed out, the Giants didn't owe Wilson anything, and he didn't owe the Giants anything. It's a business, someone offered him a job, he took it... bla bla bla, cliche, cliche, cliche.

I get that players and teams shouldn't give a damn about each other, but how about the fans? Without fans, there is no fame and fortune. God, would it have really been so hard to become a real Pirate in Pittsburgh with your stupid beard and a a chance to part of their first winning season since 1992? Of course not. He had to be in LA.

In the end, it's all business and what's best for the player. I get all that. I just wish it hadn't have gone down this way.

Maybe it's convenience because he lives in LA, maybe it's because he yearns to be back in the spotlight, and maybe it's because the Dodgers are the hottest team in baseball (BARF), but he just made the call that made this season just a little more unbearable for me.

The chances of him being anywhere near to his '09/'10 form are slim to none... few players have even attempted to come back from a second Tommy John surgery, and even fewer Giants have been good after leaving San Francisco and joining the Blue Bastards (Schmidt, Boo-ribe, etc.). It's just the imagined principle of the thing that gets me-- and yes it's imagined, because apparently there are no principles in baseball anymore.

Or so I'm told. Just ask Wilson's new BFF Puig about playing with principle.

As inconsequential as the move may be in the grand scheme of things, it just feels like an unnecessary poke in the ribs; ribs already sore from being punched repeatedly throughout this abysmal championship defense of 2013.

I'll get over it soon enough. After a good two hours of Twitter rants earlier, I'm now able to accept the fact that him pitching in a Giants uniform is just a distant relic of the past-- something I'll be able to look back on in 20 years and remember more fondly than not, because he won't amount to anything close to substantial in Los Angeles.

Because after all, Los Angeles is a place made of little to no substance, and never will be-- especially on the baseball field.

Beat LA.

Giants simply must play better or else

As I write this, the Giants sit within striking distance of the NL West at 5.5 GB. They're still 7 games under .500, and they still aren't hitting on all cylinders, but they're alive.

With Timmy's no-hitter heading into the break and grabbing 2 of 3 to open the "so-called second half" (as Dave Flemming would put it) against Arizona, things appear to be trending in an upward fashion.

Clearly, they have their work cut out for them, with a capable Arizona team and the hyper-streaking Doyers sitting ahead of them in the standings.

Affeldt is now on the DL, resulting in more Jean Machi appearances, and the starting lineup is still mired in mediocrity, but I refuse to believe that Pablo, Pence, and Crawford will continue to hit at well below average clips.

As those three guys go, the Giants too will go.

It's clear that LF is still an issue, with 2B-turned OF Kensuke Tanaka not an overall upgrade over Andres Torres, and Francoeur still an unknown quantity. Personally, I'd like to see if a full-time Frenchy can get it going. At least he's got a cannon in LF, if nothing else.

The pitching staff is inconsistent, but is performing better than the beginning of the season.

The problem is this team has to play better with what they have before Brian Sabean can justify making any significant moves to upgrade this roster. Obviously, it's easier said than done in both respects, but it's crystal clear that this currently isn't a team that can make a run at this division without an immediate improvement from within.

Unfortunately, the whole lightning in a bottle thing that won two titles has yet to be captured, and there is no quick fix available. The theory that the Giants sold their soul to win in '10 and '12 certainly looks like there's a little merit to it as game after game, they're unable to put it all together.

As I mentioned in previous posts, this team needs an immediate infusion of pitching of some kind, and there's nothing available internally that will solve this issue right now.

As we speak, there are only 5 guys on the Fresno Grizzlies roster that have an ERA under 3. And of those 5, Jake Dunning, Sandy Rosario, and Jean Machi are already on the big league roster, and the other two guys have a combined 3 appearances. Heath Hembree if you're wondering, has 21 saves, but has an ERA hovering around 4.50. Obviously, AAA has been cashed out, and there aren't really any standouts in AA either.

Unfortunately for the Giants, the minors have little in the way of ML ready talent, and that puts the front office in a bit of a quandary.

Do they deal some A Ball level pitching prospects to get better now, in a season that is not guaranteed by any stretch? I would lean toward no.

The opportunity to add arms by taking on money for a middling prospect is likely the route that Sabean will have to go, unless the asking price for guys like Bud Norris come down.

With Zito (team option), Lincecum, Vogelsong (team option), and Chad "Gurney" Gaudin all set to hit the free agent market at the end of this season, it would behoove the Giants to make a meaningful move to secure controllable pitching that could help anchor the rotation beyond 2013.

A name that has recently surfaced as a possibility, is Kansas City's Ervin Santana (formerly of the Angels). Due to be a free agent, Santana is 6-6 with a 3.18 ERA. He should probably be available, although the Royals are apparently not ready to give up on the season yet. He's due somewhere around $5.5MM for the rest of the season.

The truth of the matter is that there isn't a ton out there in the ways of starting pitching, and the guys that are there are either really expensive prospect-wise like Jake Peavy, or really in demand.

The little wrinkle in this is that Ryan Vogelsong is supposed to be ready to go in 2-3 weeks. We can't forget how awful he was before he went down, but he's certainly capable of helping this team if he's back on track. This simple addition from within could really change the entire landscape of the pitching staff-- enabling either Vogey, Gaudin, or possibly the struggling Zito to become a reliever and bumping Machi down to Fresno.

As it stands, we can't count on that and the best solution may be to add a reliever.With the non-waiver trade deadline in less than two weeks, I fully expect that to happenr. A lefty would be optimal, but a righty like John Axford from Milwaukee would certainly fit the bill.

I know, I know, but he's only given up one earned run since May 15th.

Also, I would be remiss if I didn't mention Brian Wilson again, who is reportedly on track to showcase himself to teams in the next few weeks. The Giants have been reported as being interested in kicking his crazy tires once again.

It sounds like a broken record-- and it really is-- but the Giants are going to have play better with what they have rather than expecting some kind of miracle acquisition from the outside.

Are they capable of improvement? Of course, but we just haven't seen it, and they're running out of time.

Making sense of these Giants and the trade deadline

It's safe to say this second time around, that repeating as World Series Champions is easier said than done. Sure we basically brought back the exact same team, but if they don't perform at the same level, you're going to get a completely different result. That's what we're dealing with now.

The Giants have been struck by the Injury Bug, something that we haven't had to deal with much in the last couple years. We've been lucky.

We've also been struck by the Bad Pitching Demon and the Unable to Get Timely Hits Fairy. All of those things considered, the Giants are in this, and they can win this division again. There's just no question about it.

The NL West isn't weak-- no that wouldn't be the right word. It is suffering from a bizarre case of NFL-like parity brought on by severe under and overachieving by all 5 teams. The Giants/Snakes/Bastards are all underachieving, while the Rockpile and Madres are playing out of their gourds. Arizona seems to be the weirdest case of all. I mean, how do you underachieve in first place? Well they are-- led by underachieving pitching. That seems to be the common thread.

If you all thought the NL West would look like this around the all-star break, raise your hands. Stop lying. Put your arm down. Jerks...

It certainly is a strange scene.

But hey! The bright side is that the Giants are literally 3 games out of first place. It doesn't make sense I know. I've seen all the terrible baseball that you've seen, and yet, here we are, within one series of reclaiming our rightful position atop the NL West.

Sometimes, rather than stewing over losses, losing streaks, and Jeremy Affeldt appearances, we need to just take a deep breath of air, take a deep gulp of beer, and look at the goddamn standings for a while.

There are a lot of things that this team hasn't done very well this season, but there's still another half of baseball to be played, and moves to be made.

Dissecting Giant Needs via Trade

Do you listen to Marty Lurie on the weekends? You need to if you don't. He's like a kind, patient Grandfather/Psychotherapist for all of Giantsland. He lets everyone and anyone call up and say stupid things, and then he nicely tells them they're crazy and that they need to stop fantasizing about video game trades or talks them off ledges. My favorite part of his shows-- which simultaneously drives me nuts-- is when people say stuff like, "Let's trade Sandoval and Lincecum for Verlander" and absurd things like that. It makes me laugh. Anyway, let's identify our greatest needs here:

#1  STARTING PITCHER

This has to be our number one priority. I know Vogey is coming back soon, but he was absolutely awful this year, and he cannot be trusted. Lincecum is also unreliable and would be best served moving into a long relief role or late inning strikeout specialist. He did it last year in the playoffs and was very successful. Let's see if he can do it again. Also, adding a starter would give the Giants flexibility in the event that Vogey comes back in as badly as he went out.

Obviously this team has had trouble hitting sometimes, but starting pitching has been everything from bad, to atrocious this year, and you know it.

Assuming we add someone, the rotation (with Vogey back obviously) is Cain, Bum, New Guy, Zeets, Vogey, with Gaudin and Timmy in the pen. If Vogey sucks, they can move him to the pen, make up an injury, or figure something out, then bring back either Gaudin or Lincecum back from the pen. It makes sense to me.

The best part about adding a starter is that it immediately strengthens the bullpen.

Who to get? There are plenty of guys out there that have been spoken about: Ricky Nolasco, Bud Norris, Yovani Gallardo, etc.

You have to look at the future when making trades for the present, so which makes the most sense? Nolasco is an impending free agent, so to me, I don't want the risk. Gallardo really doesn't have great numbers this year and has struggled to be the beast that we've all seen him be. He's also the biggest name out there (aside from Cliff Lee, whom I won't bother discussing because it's not realistic) and Gallardo will have about $2.6MM remaining in 2013 salary at the July trade deadline, and then is owed $11.25MM in 2014 and has a $13MM club option with a $600K buyout for 2015.

To me, if we were to go after a Brewers pitcher, it should be Kyle Lohse, so is signed through 2015 with $7MM deferred until 2016-18). He has a lower ERA than Gallardo, and is from Chico. It's not a bad contract, and Lohse would benefit from playing in a pitcher's park for once in his life. That being said, he's getting a little long in the tooth (34) and the Brewers may prefer to keep him due to his decent contract. Another plus, is that he wouldn't take the type of prospects that a younger, sexier pitcher like Gallardo would.

Speaking of local guys (you knew it was coming), I want the Giants to get Bud Norris. Full disclosure is that I know him, and yeah, that makes me biased, but there's a good case to be made for the Budman.

He's 28, grew up a Giants fan in Novato, and has already admitted to the media that playing at home for the Giants would "be a dream come true".

Not only is he a good guy, but he's a hard worker, and all he wants to do is win. Oh yeah, and  he's currently sporting a 3.35 ERA, lowest among any of the guys I've mentioned above.

In fact, if you threw out two bad outings against Oakland and Detroit, his ERA would be 2.33.

Obviously I have closely followed his career, and it's pretty clear to me that he's learned how to be a pitcher in his fourth full season in the bigs. He's cut down his walk rate, his HR rate, and has stayed away from the big inning more often-- something that killed a lot of decent starts in the past. Interestingly enough, his strikeout rate is way down this year-- something I consider to be a good thing, because he's been able to pitch more to contact, and gotten more outs that way, rather than trying to get hitters to chase his plus-slider or trying to blow a fastball by them.

Biased or not, it's clear to me that Norris is the best move for the Giants. He's in his prime, he's affordable (made $3MM this yr) and is arbitration eligible next year. If the Giants want to keep him then, I think they have a better chance to do that than with someone like Nolasco.

As I watch Mike Kickham get kicked around in Cincinnati right now, I can't stress enough that this move needs to be made immediately.


#2 CORNER OUTFIELDER

With Pagan out, we just have to assume we're going to go forward with Blanco manning CF for the most part, and that's fine, because he's as good a CF as there is in baseball. Unfortunately, this new found thinness in the OF has exposed a weak LF that had been covered up by makeup and Botox until Pagan's injury.

Jeff Francoeur is out there floating around, and I wouldn't mind him as a 4th OF, but as a starter, he's not the answer. He was hitting .208 in KC, and they just cut him loose. I would welcome him as a short-term addition as he's a great clubhouse guy with a great nickname and a great arm. I hear about "scrunched faces" in regard to his OF play, but despite a poor 2012 in the OF, he's basically rated as average this season based on regular fielding stats and some of the crazy advanced ones.

The guy the Giants need to get is Alex Rios, and it sounds like they're looking to do that-- as they've sent scouts to watch him the last couple weeks. He's owed some money (about $5.5MM the rest of this year, $12.5MM next year and $13.5MM in '15 with a $1MM buyout). So basically, the Giants can give up a little less if they're willing to pay a little more-- something that surprisingly they've said they're willing to do. In the end, it would be a $19MM gamble for a guy that's actually playing pretty well.

The only issue is that he's played a total of 1 game in his professional career in LF. But, considering he was a full time CF in '10 and '11 with the White Sox, he can handle LF just fine. For Christ's sake, the Giants played Aubrey Huff and Pat Burrell there over the years. Alex Rios wouldn't be an issue-- especially with Blanco's amazing range playing next to him and Brandon Crawford playing in front of him.

In 6 career games in San Francisco, he has a .937 OPS.

Aside from Rios, there aren't a ton of OFs that jump out as being available and affordable to the Giants (ie. money not prospects), so this may drive up the price.

#3 RELIEF PITCHER

It may seem like we need a reliever badly, but if we take care of problem #1 and add an SP, we gain an automatic bullpen arm. Plus, there's the matter of Santiago Casilla returning soon. Casilla is more important to this team than anyone could have imagined, and with this knee cyst problem taken care of, maybe he'll be better than ever. These two "inside additions" could be enough to nurse the pen back to health-- that is if Affeldt and Romo settle down and stop scaring us.

Relievers are the easiest positions to add, because there are tons of dudes out there. They're also key positions, as we've learned from previous stretch runs.

There are 4 current or former closers that jump out as possibly being available: Glen Perkins (MIN), Bobby Parnell (NYM), Francisco Rodriguez (MIL), and John Axford (MIL).

While most of us want nothing to do with the artist formerly known as K-Rod and the Ax-Man, Axford has experienced a bit a of re-birth as of late as a middle reliever and totally hasn't sucked. Neither has K-Rod.

K-Rod has 6 saves in 17 innings with a 1.02 ERA and Axford has only allowed 5 ER in his last 23.2 IP. I know neither inspires confidence, but they're more affordable than these next two guys.

Perkins and Parnell are the two current closers that a lot of teams would love to have. Both are having good seasons, and both extremely affordable. Perkins just signed an extension with Minny last year, so I'd be surprised if he was traded, despite their lameness on the field. He's only due $7.5MM total over the next two years and has a friendly club option for 2016. Parnell on the other hand is under team control through 2015 season, as he just entered his first year of arby this season. Unfortunately, that makes Parnell a hot commodity and the Mets, who've said they intent to keep him, would have to be bowled over with an offer. Similar language surrounds the affordable Perkins, who the Twins would be better off keeping, unless they received a sweet deal.

That leaves guys like Steve Cishek (MIA), Matt Lindstrom (CHW), Jose Veras (HOU), or Jose Valverde (FA).

Oh yeah, there's also some guy out there named Brian Wilson who no one has seen hind nor hair of in months. I know he kinda burned his bridges here and he's a big distraction, but this is the time of year when he said he'd be ready. Just an intriguing thought.

Final Thoughts

This season is clearly not a wash, a lost cause, or anything else. This team is only 3 games out despite its obvious flaws and inconsistent play. But we're lucky enough to play in a weird division that's there for the taking. It's time for Sabes to make a couple of moves, and I believe I've outlined them above. Trade for Rios and eat his money, stick him in LF, then trade for Bud Norris. This allows two of the Gaudin/Lincecum/Vogelsong trio to strengthen the bullpen along with Santiago Casilla, and everyone lives happily ever after. Deal?

Deal.

Drawn out ceremonies, Timmy & Hector, St. Louis, & other early observations

Well, it's been a few games now, and we've gotten to know our 2013 Giants a little better. Sure, they're almost the same team as last year, but every year is different. Guys get better, guys regress, and you just never know how things will shake out. Here's what I've seen so far:

-- Starting pitching has been a little up and down. Cain had one great start against LA, then gave up a historic 9 ER against St. Louis. Timmy won a game while walking 7. Bumgarner was a monster against the Dodgers and was a little shaky against Colorado. Vogelsong got lit up pretty badly.

The only guy with an unblemished statline thus far is Barry Zito, who apparently now owns the Cardinals. Let's hope this dominant Zito sticks around all year.

...Speaking of the Cardinals and our home opening series...

-- They got a little revenge for last season's NLCS. Believe me, these fans and that team are still bitter at their collapse, and they immediately got subjected to a three game, pre-game lovefest the likes unseen by Major League Baseball.

There's been some talk about the three ceremonies and how they were a little much. I agree.

Three days of flag raising, Buster, and an extended ring ceremony is deserved, but a little much when they last 20-30 minutes apiece and delay the beginning of the game. Again, I'm not saying I didn't enjoy every second of  it and that I didn't tear up when they raised that championship flag, but I wouldn't want the Giants to get stuck with another team's home opening series and 3 extravagant ceremonies in a row.

I feel like the flag-raising and the ring ceremony could've all been on the same day (Friday) and that Buster's MVP ceremony could've been pushed back to the Rockies series or on Sunday. Just my opinion.

-- Interesting factoid: The Cardinals also were at AT&T Park in 2011 for the Giants home opening series in which they watched the Giants ring ceremony. And then won the WS themselves in '11.

-- The Dodgers still suck. They've got all kinds of fancy toys that will cost them an arm and a leg for years, and the only one worth a damn is Clayton Kershaw, who they haven't even paid yet. Pathetic.

-- I like Chad Gaudin. He's looked good thus far. Andres Torres on the other hand...

-- There's still a "thing" between Timmy and Buster, whether anyone in the Giants' clubhouse wants to admit it or not. Sanchez caught Lincecum in his 1st two starts, and this brilliant Baseball Prospectus article (which you need to read) basically breaks down how and why Hector Sanchez is an unacceptable catcher thus far in his young career, especially for Lincecum. A lot of it has to do with framing, but the thing that gets me is that Buster has to sit or displace Belty in order for this to happen.

All this why there's a 3rd catcher named Quiznos sitting on the bench, useless.to the world and to himself. He should be getting reps in the minors.

Whether Bochy just wants to avoid Buster getting beaten up by crazy breaking pitches in the dirt, or whether Lincecum just can't handle being told what to do, this thing is detrimental to both the Giants' offense and defense.

I think a lot of us have this feeling that Hector Sanchez can hit, and he's still just a baby, but the fact remains that he hit .280 last year, but had a .685 OPS to go along with it. That's like backup middle infielder territory...

-- Brian Wilson didn't respond to the Giants' invitation to be included in the ring ceremony. That was the final nail in the coffin to his career in with the Orange & Black. It was immature and unacceptable. We loved that weirdo and he'll never be as happy with anyone else as he was here. If he wasn't so obsessed with himself, he'd have signed a minor league deal with the Giants and pitched his way back into a setup role. Instead, he made it about him, and still thinks that despite the fact he isn't capable of pitching, that he should be offered guaranteed millions. Good luck Wilson. I won't even call you Weez anymore.

It was nice while it lasted... all two years of it.

-- Speaking of which, where was Barry Bonds on Buster's MVP Day? For as much controversy as his name conjures up, he should've still been there. Jeff Kent, might have been a great Giant,but he also played for the effing Dodgers willingly-- Bonds never did that. Who better to give a keynote MVP speech to Buster than a guy who won 7 of them and lost an 8th to Jeff Kent.

I know he's a salty bastard and he has outstanding legal issues, but the Giants give rings to Kruk and Kuip and bring back Gaylord Perry all the time. Bonds deserves to be there. He built that ballpark and paved the way for these two Championships.

-- The Giants need to start their own division of eBay for highly sought-after giveaways like the Buster bobblehead. Nevermind the fact that they were giving away 40k of them, there will still morons lined up for LITERALLY a mile down the Embarcadero before the gates were opened. All for a bobblehead.

Crazier still was that there were sleaze merchants with garbage bags waiting inside the gates offering everyone $15-$20 for their bobbleheads. Last time I checked, they were going for $40-$50 on eBay. Just crazy.

Buster is protecting my flavored booze section now.

-- Stay hot Hunter Pence, catch fire Marco Scutaro... pretty self-explanatory, Pence has been a monst, and Scoots doesn't look comfortable at all. Also, Pagan is off to a hot start, giving me plenty of opportunities to use my #PaganWorship hashtag on Twitter.

Remember to read this Baseball Prospectus article about Timmy and Hector.

Pagan receives money, will continue working for Giants

You already know about this, because you're a normal person in 2012. I just thought I should reiterate, because I'm a blogger and it is my self-appointed job to regurgitate news that you already know and pretend like you need to hear it from me to make myself feel important.

We all wanted to continue the Pagan worship that we enjoyed last season-- but at a reasonable cost.

Ostensibly, Pagan is going to make $10MM a year. Pretty damn steep if you ask me. Last year I didn't expect him to be better than a fringe starter. Now all of the sudden, he's a $10MM a year man. Hard to figure, but he had a career year and he fits perfectly into the Giants' style of play and ballpark.

You also have to consider the pathetic FA market this off season and the fact that BJ Upton, who although younger and more gifted,  plays the game half as hard as Pagan and he got 5/$75MM from Atlanta.

If that no-effort nutsac with a sub .800 OPS gets $15MM a year, then Pagan is certainly worth his deal. Supply and demand...

Assuming he has 4 similar seasons to 2012, I have no problem with this seemingly bloated contract. He plays plus defense and gets on base. He had 15 triples last year and is a good base runner.

He might be overpaid now, but he's a good guy and a good player. Plus, after winning "two in three", I really don't give a rat's ass about the Giants' revenue stream or finances anymore.

They've somehow managed to do what they've done by making tons of head scratching moves, and although we can't stop analyzing or questioning things, I feel like there has to be a higher level of trust between us fans and the front office at this juncture.

On that note, I do trust in their ability to re-sign Marco AND Brian Wilson.

I know people are turned off by Wilson's supposed interest in the Blue Bastards, but that is just a negotiating tactic and apparently they aren't interested in him anyway. He wants as much guaranteed money as possible and that's the way pro sports works at this point.

Even if Romo is the closer now, I'd like to see Wilson back, at least for one year in some capacity. I know it's just sentimental, but I don't care.

We'll see what happens.

Good news is, it's still May...

The bad news? We're not very good, and there isn't a lot to suggest that we'll get better.

Would Brian Wilson have given up a dong to Marco Scutaro to blow the game? Maybe. Maybe not.

Would we do better if our knee-jerk reactions to send Brandon Crawford down to Fresno came true? Maybe. Maybe not.

Would we have won a couple more games lately if Panda hadn't have gone on the DL or if we had Freddy Sanchez back and healthy? Maybe. Maybe not.

Even with Sandoval, Sanchez, and Wilson, there's just nothing there to suggest that we'd be a significantly better team.

It's so hard to be positive these days, what with the consistent defensive ineptitude and the offensive futility.

Do we have heart and scrap? Sure, but what good is effort when the result is constant frustration and missed opportunities?

The problem with this roster and with our minor leagues for that matter, is that there is no hope in sight. There's no Bryce Harper in Fresno or Richmond-- hell, there aren't even any Brandon Belts down there. 

Right now, the Giants are who they are, and who they are just isn't good enough. We've got a solid bullpen-- better than most of the league. We have a great starting rotation, despite Lincecum consistently pitching like a 5th starter rather than an ace. After that, you know, we're not good. The eight guys on the field, whomever they happen to be on a given day, are just not playoff caliber as a unit.

We have 3 above-average hitters (Sandoval, Posey, Cabrera), two starting caliber players (Pagan, Blanco), and the rest are AAA players. Say what you want about that statement, but the remainder or our hitters are borderline major league players and none are blue chip prospects. Belt, Crawford, Pill, Arias, Sanchez, Culberson, Schierholtz, Huff, Theriot, Burriss, Gillaspie... I mean, what do you expect from those guys?

Honestly.

I see exactly what you should see out of a lineup that is 38% (or at best 50%) reliable. It is just is what it is. Belt should be better than he is, but he's lost and nervous, same with Crawford. There's no real solution or explanation for their offensive struggles (and defensive struggles in regard to Crawford). Do you send them down so that they can play with less pressure and regain confidence? Who then takes their places? Are we then a better team?

There's simply no answer or solution, which is the most disheartening part about rooting for this particular team. We don't have the pieces to land a big player via trade, and when you look at 2013 free agents, the chance of landing the two biggest free agents to be, Josh Hamilton and Andre Ethier, the dream just dies. Our best chance to improve is to get Lincecum pitching up to his capabilities, get Sandoval back, get Buster's bat going consistently, and to play good defense.

What we've learned thus far is that we simply cannot depend on the development and success of Brandon Crawford or Brandon Belt-- the two biggest wild cards on this roster. With so much dead weight in the lineup and such awful defense, the best we can hope for is a .500 team, which is exactly what we have.

The good news is that it's only May, and it's a long season. A lot can change, and yet, a lot could stay the same. Let's hope for the best.

Wilson's injury not a death blow...

I'm not saying it's not a big deal, because it certainly is. The guy has been pretty damned good since bursting onto the scene in 2008 and saving 41 games. Average players don't complete as many pressure-packed late inning scenarios as Wilson has, and that needs to be recognized. So yes, Brian Wilson will be missed.

He was nails in 2010, and his iconic weirdness and magnetic aura has drawn interest from around the country-- not just the sporting world.

With that said, I am bummed for him personally, because I know how hard he works and how much he lives for closing out ballgames. However, I'm not bumming for the Giants and for the bullpen.

Ask fantasy baseball gurus what their number one rule is about drafting a team, and inevitably, you're going to hear, "Never overpay for saves" come up a whole bunch.

The theory of course being that, while one guy is drafting Jonathan Papelbon in the 5th round while passing up Lance Berkman, the savvy manager is drafting Berkman, then snagging the likes of Sean Marshall or Grant Balfour in the later rounds while the initial dope is scouring the scrap heap for his third OF.

I am not 100% equating fantasy baseball to real life, because it is nowhere near the same, but I believe there is a shred of truth in the aforementioned concept.

Just look at the rapid rate of closer turnover in baseball. Let's be real. Unless your name is Trevor Hoffman or Mariano Rivera, a good run for a closer is like 6 years.

Think about names like Derrick Turnbow, Takashi Saito, Bobby Jenks, BJ Ryan, Brandon Lyon, Jonathan Broxton.

Where are they all now? They were all pretty good for a little while weren't they? Scoff if you will, because some names aren't nearly as good as others, but the point is, all of these guys were starting closers fairly recently.

The main point in all of this is that only the best of the best of the very best having the staying power, overall health, and talent that people like Rivera or Hoffman have.

Based on Wilson's 2010 campaign, one can't deny that he was elite. 2011 was a slightly different story, but based on what we know now, he was obviously breaking down. Now that we know that, I think it's amazing that he did as well as he did.

I won't miss his heart attack-inducing appearances, but I will miss hearing "Jump Around" so often, and I will miss the confidence that goes along with having an elite closer at the end of the game.

With that said, I'm not too worried about the void left by Wilson's injury. I believe that we have the guys to take care of the problem.

Will there be bumps in the road? Hiccups? Yes. Saves will be blown occasionally, and during those disappointing nights, we will see millions of tweets about how much everyone misses Wilson. It's going to happen.

But, the two guys I'm looking at-- Romo and Casilla-- both have closer-type stuff and the ability to close out games.

It's the mentality of the pitcher that gets those last three outs more than anything else. It's a killer instinct and a confidence that can only be gained through success and self-belief.

Do Casilla and Romo possess these qualities?

It's hard to say.

On paper, Casilla has the fireballing stuff of a closer, and if this was a video game, I'd go with him. However, Sergio Romo has (I believe) that little extra intangible something that I think will help him nail down the most 9th inning work.

First of all, Romo's stats the last few years have been among the best in baseball. Look at last year:

65 Games, 1.50 ERA, 13.13 K/9, 0.71 WHIP, .171 Avg. against, and my favorite, a 14.0 K:BB ratio.

Are you kidding me? Let's just define that in words for a second. That means for every walk Romo allowed in 2011, he struck out 14 guys. Wow.

Comparing Romo's stats last year to Wilson's doesn't quite seem fair, so let's take a look at Wilson's for 2010, his best year:

70 Games, 1.81 ERA, 11.21 K/9, 1.18 WHIP, .218 Avg. against, 3.58 K:BB ratio, and 48 saves.

I'm not trying to be a stat Saberjerk, because you should know by now how I feel about WARS, FLIPS, FGUS% ratios and whatnot, but it really is an interesting comparison.

Stat-wise, Romo's got him (or Got Heeeem, if you will) beat fairly handily-- all except for that last little tidbit, the saves.

You can have all the stats in the world, but if you lose ballgames, you don't have a damn thing.

I fully expect Wilson back next season around mid April, and I think he will at some point regain his closing role and abilities, but for now, let's see if Romo has what it takes to save the day and close out a few games.

We've seen this movie before, Giants fans

Firstly, apologies for not writing much in the last couple weeks. This whole "job" thing is really putting a cramp in my evening sports watching/writing.

Secondly, the last post was about the "Dynamite" video with Keenan Cahill, Weez, and Boss Ross. I'd like to clarify:

Before that video, I'd never heard of Keenan Cahill. Secondly, I didn't watch the video all the way through to see the fundraiser thing at the end. I honestly thought he was a funny little 10 year old kid. Swear to God. So, if anyone was offended by me calling him a "chubby nerd", I hope you understand that I had no clue the kid had a disease or that he was an internet sensation. Obviously I should do more research on amusing internet videos. Now that that's out of the way...

The Giants, are well... still the Giants.

As the title says, we've seen all of this before:

-- Our proven veteran SS sucks major ass (Tejada instead of Renteria)

-- DeRosa's wrist is hurt (although he's in Tuesday night's lineup)

-- Pablo's contributions are missing (this time due to injury, rather than retardation)

-- Highly paid players struggling to start the year (Huff)

-- Zito contributing absolutely nothing in exchange for the Gross Domestic Product of Micronesia

-- Unexpected contributions from players expected to do nothing (Rowand, Fontenot)

-- A total random career minor leaguer making a major impact (Vogelsong instead of Torres)

-- Timmy is Timmy

-- A bunch of improbable comeback wins out of nowhere

It honestly goes on and on, and frickin on.

But hey, this is why we watch, and why we love these guys.

With a sweep of Colorads this past weekend, I really think things are starting to get better... at least I feel like consistency is setting in.

The early injuries to Brian Wilson, Sandoval, DeRosa, Ross, and Torres have really thrown a crazy ass monkey wrench into the unpredictable, yet well-oiled machine that is the San Francisco Giants.

Ross's Sunday offensive outburst and Wilson's rediscovered groove only lend credence to my theory.

Throw in Bumgarner and his last three starts (5 ER in past 3 starts after 16 ER in his first 4), and I think this team is trending in the right direction.

Huff is still struggling, Buster hasn't hit his stride, and Burrell is still a massive question mark, but overall, this team is making me feel more comfortable about life.

The emergence of Mike Fontenot as a serviceable SS and bizzarely-- as a decent 3rd place hitter, means the totally washed up Miguel Tejada can now join Mark DeRosa on the bench as one half of the righty-righty, sub-par backup-infielding $12.5MM combo known as DeJada.

Suddenly this whole Jose Reyes for Zach Wheeler nonsense sounds better.

Speaking of which...

Myke Urban single-handedly blew the Reyes "interest" and "internal discussion" thing totally out of frickin proportion.

I have had internal discussions about marrying Scarlett Johansson and taking Taylor Swift out to dinner too.

The point being...

OF COURSE THE GIANTS BRASS HAS TALKED ABOUT JOSE REYES. HE'S IN THE LAST YEAR OF AN EFFING CONTRACT AND HE'S A TOP 30 PLAYER. HE'S A WELL-DOCUMENTED TRADE PIECE OF A BANKRUPT, USELESS TEAM.

That being said, excellent job getting your name out there Myke. And I really do like him as a Bay Area sports personality... but look...

Jose Reyes is an injury-prone, money-hungry luxury item. Not only does he run on premium fuel, but when you buy him, his warranty only lasts 12,000 miles, you pay a $6,000 gas guzzler tax, his floormats run $600 apeice, and they nail you with a bogus California emissions fee.

It's like yeah, I'd love to buy a 500hp, $200K Aston Martin DBS convertible, but if I have to give up my high speed internet, and DVR service (Zach Wheeler) and have no guarantee of keeping the car long-term, I'm gonna opt for a $43k Dodger Challenger with 470hp.

You catch my drift?

Anyway, as I said, we've seen this all before, and we can't freak out about anything. This is a slightly different version of the same team we know and love. The frustrations will be there, the illogical struggles and surprising comebacks will continue.

As I said so many times last season: just sit back, and enjoy the ride. It's gonna take a while.

Brian Wilson, Cody Ross, & I Don't Even...

I don't know what this is. I don't know who this chubby nerd is, and I've never heard this song, but I am amused, and you are too. If you can't see this video, click here to come directly to the site.

I see B-Weez & Boss Ross entertained themselves while on the DL.

Brian Wilson and his Beard Bracket

Brian Wilson has his own beard bracket for March Madness. I don't think he's shaving that bird's nest any time soon. Haha. From his website:




I don't know who half the sleazes are in this competition, but I definitely just voted for Chuck Norris in the Orange Beard division.

It still hasn't advanced past the first round, so get into the scene.

Brian Wilson, the... ahem... Seaman...

In case you missed Brian Wilson's appearance on George Lopez tonight... Here it is in its entirety. Yes, he is dressed as a Sea Captain... and yes he touches on Thai massages and dry humping in the bullpen. Good Lord.



If you are reading this on Facebook or via Email newsfeed, click here to see the video.

Pat Burrell is the Machine?

Thanks to my Twitter bro, and Phillies fan @Utley4God for the tip here. This may be a day late, but I don't think many of us have heard or seen this:

From TheFightins.com (Phillies Blog):

"...After narrowing down the suspects, (Deadspin.com) decided that the culprit was more than likely Pat Burrell, former left-fielder for the Philadelphia Phillies and Wilson’s current teammate. Now that’s some mighty fine investigative work by the Deadspin boys, because for the last couple of years, I have been sitting on a picture of Pat Burrell in all his gimp-outiftted glory, but never ran it because the guy who gave me the picture didn’t want to get caught.

...

I don’t really want to go into detail about how I acquired this picture, but it was taken at Pat Burrell’s house in Arizona during a Christmas party in (I believe) December of ’04 (possibly ’05). According to my picture-taking accomplice, every year during his Christmas party — which is attended by a veritable who’s who of baseballers who spend their winters out in AZ — Pat wanders upstairs and slips into his assless-chapped gimp outfit to entertain his party guests while making them feel extremely uncomfortable all at the same time."

And without further weirdness, the visual evidence:



Again, thank you to The Fightins for the amazing work!

Thoughts before Game 1

This is what we've all been waiting for... another chance to finally win a championship.

Not in a million years did anyone expect a Giants-Rangers World Series, and this series is as intriguing and unpredictable as the matchup itself. But, I will see what I can do...

-- Cliff Lee is the best pitcher in baseball right now. He's pitching better than Lincecum, Halladay, Cain, or anyone else that has participated in the playoffs. He is straight filth, and he is more likely to know the lyrics of a Justin Bieber song than he is to walk a guy. That means neither is likely.

Games 1 and 5 will be up to clutch late-inning hitting and Tim Lincecum. Lincecum cannot give up more than 3 runs in either start, because Lee will allow 2 or less. The way to beat Texas in games Lee starts is to A) Get lucky or B) wear him out, take pitches, and beat Texas's inferior bullpen.

-- Josh Hamilton will beat us at some point (or two). The key is to minimize the damage caused by their other two boppers, Nelson Cruz and Vlad Guerrero.

-- Keep the deer off the basepaths. If the speedy Elvis Andrus and the beastly Ian Kinsler draw walks, smack singles, and do their cute little antler thing, we've got problems.

-- Much has been made of Bengie Molina's presence in the Texas clubhouse. Sure he knows signs, tendencies, and our pitchers. It is an advantage for sure. But this is baseball, not the NFL. This isn't a Gruden with Tampa against the Raiders situation.

Molina knows Cain and Lincecum intimately but never really saw Timmy's slider. He doesn't know much about Madison Bumgarner, and was not on the team with Javier Lopez, Ramon Ramirez, Cody Ross, Mike Fontenot, and barely saw Buster Posey.

And another point that Chris Ray, the man Molina was traded for, is still on the team. He is not on the active roster, but that doesn't prevent him from sharing signs, tendencies, game plans, and tips on Josh Hamilton, Michael Young and company.

Another point is that everything is on HD video, and advanced scouting departments for each team do nothing but track tendencies.

The Giants will have changed their signs, and Bengie Molina's effect on the series will be minimal. He wont make Lincecum's changeup easier to hit or Brian Wilson's beard any less awesome.

-- Andres Torres and Freddy Sanchez need to do a better job of setting the table and Pat Burrell needs to heat up again. He is due.

-- Please God, stay hot Cody Ross...

-- Casilla, Romo, and Ramirez scare the hell out of me. Good thing Jeremy Affeldt appears to be back...

-- Jonathan Sanchez will once again pitch on the road. Homeboy needs to find his control. Another 3 inning meltdown will sink us.

-- The DH thing is a concern. While Vlad Guerrero will probably bumble around in the outfield during the first 2 games in San Francisco, the Gyros will have a dilemma on their hands in Arlington.

Cliff Lee and CJ Wilson are Texas's best pitchers, but both are lefties. Had Ron Washington opted to throw Colby Lewis in Game 2, the Giants would have had to really improvise with their DH situation.

With two righties in Lewis and Tommy Hunter going in Games 3 and 4, it creates an ideal situation for Pablo Sandoval to DH.

Yes, Sandoval is a full-blown retard, but hitting left-handed is his stronger side, and maybe the lack of stress of playing 3rd base will help him.

Pat Burrell makes sense as a DH (possibly in Game 5 against Lee) but the last time he tried that, he hit .211 with 2 HR and was fired by Tampa Bay. He hates it.

-- I know he wont read this, but I'd like to apologize to Bruce Bochy. At points this season, I declared him "unfit to lead". I even wanted him fired. I was wrong Boch.

I disagree and second guess more than half your lineups and in game moves, but you've gotten us to within 4 games of a championship. If you get this done, I will be forever in your debt...

Predictions: Giants will win in 6 games. The torture will continue, but so will the clutch performances at the plate and on the mound for San Francisco. The Rangers have the hottest pitcher on earth and a superior offense in every way. It only seems logical that they'd win.

Unfortunately for them, they've earned a chance to face the most illogical team ever assembled. The Giants aren't supposed to win, and that's precisely why they will.

PS: I dyed my beard jet black in honor of Brian Wilson. I am applying a second coat tomorrow before the game.

If you have not seen my "Giants Win the Pennant" video, you're missing out. In just over 48 hours, it's received nearly 1,200 hits. It's epic, and will get you fired up for the World Series even more than you already are!



The Giants Win the Pennant!
Uploaded by TheDodgerhater. - Basketball, baseball, pro wrestling and more sports videos.

In case you missed it: Brian Wilson on Rome

Brian Wilson is truly a sleaze... and a good sleaze at that. In case any of you haven't seen his now famous/righteous appearance on Jim Rome is Burning, enjoy. As a buddy said, "Wilson is one step away from being a WWE wrestler..."

Click here if you are reading on Facebook or an email newsfeed to see the video.

Romo & Runzler are keys to bullpen's success

Firstly, I'd like to apologize for not getting any articles out recently (other than some nonsense). It's been a little hectic (for my standards). I have been Twittering about stuff, and I encourage you to follow @TheDodgerhater if you're into that sort of thing. It's kinda fun, and I never thought I'd ever be down.

With all the Spring Training topics to BS about (or freak out about), I thought I'd kinda do something different for this post. I could talk about the Bumgarner nightmare, or the fact that Buster Posey has a 1.055 OPS while Big Money Molina's is even better (1.077). I'm choosing to look forward, rather than focus the all too tough-to-decipher Spring Training scene.

Last year, Sabean signed some random dudes named Justin Miller and Brandon Medders to throw baseballs for a living. "I'm a Little Bit Country" Medders and "I'm a little bit Rock & Roll" Miller were serious cogs in our 'pen all season long-- especially Miller.

Miller essentially became the 7th inning bridge to Affeldt and Wilson that Lurch Howry was supposed to be, and goddamn did he excel at it. Until he broke down at the end of the year (which was due to serious injury) Miller was sick.

During this time, Sergio Romo was a bit of an enigma. When right, his movement is purely disgusting. His breaking balls almost look like screwballs and he backdoors left-handers like it's his job. (Uh... yeah)

But as a relatively inexperienced dude, he got into a serious funk befitting Earth Wind & Fire or the Ohio Players. Remember last July when he gave up 7 earnies is 3 appearances? Despite his impressive performance last year overall, there were times when he just wasn't trustworthy. This year he will be required to be Justin Miller-- a steadfast 7th inning monster, minus the "LA" tattoo and the August/September breakdown.

(Quick note: Justin Miller is now a Dodger, so from here on out, he shall not be mentioned)

The other guy in the 2010 pen who is both intriguing and hair-raisingly exciting, is rookie Danny Runzler.

A guy buried on many's radars, The Runzmeister burst onto the scene as a late callup in '09, K'ing 11 in as many appearances. Armed with a gaseous heater and some wicked breaking stuff, we could really be looking at the closer of the future. As much as I like B-Weezy, the "Mullethawked One" will become increasingly expensive in his next two arby hearings.

I believe Runzler to be fully ready to step into a significant bullpen role in 2010 as a both a situational lefty (.059 BAA vs. lefties in '09), and a guy who can give you a solid inning or two in any situation. Currently in Scottsdale, he has K'd 9 in only 4.2 innings.

Yeah, yeah, I know. It's Spring Training, and he's thrown a limited amount of innings as a real pro, but this guy has shown nothing but promise and deliverance thus far.

As the season goes on, he will likely hit bumps in the road as all young big leaguers do. However, all indications thus far tell me that this cat is ready for the show.

As for the rest of the bullpen, I see nothing but good things. Assuming we keep 12 pitchers (not a guarantee), we're looking at a pen of Brian Wilson, Jeremy Affeldt, Romo, Runzler, Medders, Todd Wellemeyer, and either Waldis Joaquin, Steve Johnson, Kevin Pucetas, or Guillermo Mota.

Personally, Pucetas looks like the 5th starter at this point, but that's another article for another day.

Indeed my friends, this bullpen looks deep, it looks solid, and I for one am very excited about it.

Here's to an epic 2010!

Don't Expect Miracles This Offseason: Part 2

This is the second part of the offseason outlook. To read part 1, click here.

Obviously the offense was the biggest issue last year. We all know that. But fortunately (or unfortunately, however you look at it), pitching is going to be our strength again in 2010.

Most of the pitching staff is intact, and very little will have to be done with it.

Here's what we've got going on:

Guaranteed deals: Barry Zito ($18.5M),
Jeremy Affeldt($4.5M)

Arbitration Eligible Pitchers: Tim Lincecum, Brian Wilson, Jonathan Sanchez, Justin Miller, Brandon Medders

Players under control (minimum deals): Merkin Valdez, Sergio Romo, Joe Martinez, Dan Runzler, Alex Hinshaw, Madison Bumgarner etc.

True Free Agents: Noah Lowry, Bobby Howry, Brad Penny

What we're looking at here is certainly not the mess that the offense is. We already have 80% of the starting rotation locked up (Lincecum, Cain, Sanchez, Zito), and the back end of the bullpen is settled. Basically, this offseason, we need to determine who the fifth starter will be, and to fill out the front end of the bullpen. First, we must discuss our arbitration eligible stars.

Tim Lincecum, Jonathan Sanchez, and Brian Wilson are all up for arbitration for the first time. This means, that they're all in line for raises-- Timmy especially. We're looking at a Ryan Howard type situation for Lincecum, and his salary is seriously going to cut into our ability to chase the un-chaseable free agent bats you've all been clamoring for. This is what it looks like:

Lincecum:
2009 ($650k), 2010 $9-12M

Wilson:
2009 ($480k), 2010 $5-7M

Sanchez:
2009 ($455k), 2010 $3-6M

So you see the Gyros' situation for what it is. Remember in part 1, where I said that with all the salaries coming off the books added up to about $42.5M?

Well you can take that number, and really slice into it hard with the arbitration awards that this trio of flamethrowers will get. We're talking about between $17-25M already off the top of that number.

So, let's take the average of that range, let's say, conservatively that it's $21M. Then you add in the rest of the 30 dudes on the 40 man roster making minimum deals (around $450k on average--$13.5M total), and Freddy Sanchez, who will almost certainly be back at a number like $6M, you've already gotten to $40.5M.

Now, in my original estimate in the last article, I didn't include the minimum salary guys like Sergio Romo, etc. With last year's payroll of the 25 man roster around $82M, but actually more like $90+, we're talking about having between $12-16M to spend on free agents (including our own minus F. Sanchez) during the offseason.

That is of course, unless Neukom okays a wild spending spree that puts the payroll around $100M.

I don't count on that happening. Whether you like to hear it or not, it's not wise. The team is still paying off AT&T park, and we are not like the Red Sox or Angels, where we can afford to make any more free agent mistakes and then just fix it the next season by spending more. There is a tangible budget for player salaries, and they must work within those confines. Yes, I wish we had absurdly deep pocketed ownership too, but we don't.

So, with all of this in mind, I expect a good deal of our bullpen fillers to come from in house. Dan Runzler and Waldis Joaquin come to mind as youngsters who may be ready to fill spots.

I'm not sure what will happen with Justin Miller, Brandon Medders, and Bobby Howry. Miller and Medders pitched pretty damn well, but Miller is coming off an injury, and both would be due raises. Howry drove us crazy last year, and I don't see him coming back, especially because his $2.75M price wouldn't come down too far.

The big question here is whether or not Madison Bumgarner is ready to enter the rotation, whether he starts in the pen, or whether he's best served starting in Fresno.

As much as I'd like to see him take that 5th starter spot, I just don't think he's quite ready, just like Buster Posey. Both of these guys are on the cusp of major league readiness, but are just a bit too green.

Yes, I know that their clocks have already started, but it would be detrimental to both of them to have them up before they're fully confident. The Carolina Kid pitched well, but still had a tough time keeping the ball down in the strike zone at times, and needs to work on his changeup a little bit more.

As for Posey, the guy was overmatched at the plate and he's a little small in the upper body. I mean, in limited call up duty last year he had two singles in 17 at bats and struck out 4 times.

Both these guys need to start in Fresno, Bumgarner being more ready than Posey.

We'll see a more definite answer in Spring Training.

As for the rest of these pitching questions, I trust that Sabean will find a new round of Medderses and Millers. He seems to be best at finding cheap diamonds in the rough, and overspending on the well-known veterans. You know it's true.

Go Phillies. BEAT LA.

BENGIE!

Bengie... pulling a Kirk Gibson! I wish he'd done a fist pump, just to draw the ire of the Dodgers and their retard fans!

Not too much to say tonight other than... WHAT A HUGE WIN!

Also, we've hit two dongs in two consecutive games. That's always nice. Also of note is that yesterday, Juan Uribe and Travis Ishikawa combined for a solo and three run dinger respectively.

Today, it was Juan Uribe and the injured Bengie Molina. Interesting.

I certainly have no problem with Uribe going yard. Man he really crushes the ball. For a guy with 8 yardshots, Uribe looks like Albert Pujols up there when he gets a hold of them.

Joe Martinez on the slab tomorrow. Let's do this!

-- Oh yeah, I forgot to mention Santana in the booth on Tuesday night with Kruk & Kuip. That was certainly strange. The guy is a great man, but definitely on his own wavelength. Way to go making baseball political too man... talking about "Eight years of fear under George Bush."

I don't know about you, but I felt safer under Dubya. Haha. I'll just leave it at that.

Interested to hear if any of you readers has gone to one of the "Heritage Days" this week. I guess it was Italian night tonight, followed by Jewish, African-American, and Irish.

I love how the Irish night is on Friday. Seriously... out of all those groups drinking hardcore at the game, that's the one that will need a day off the next morning! The Brian Wilson shirts look SICK too. I would spend $20 bucks on that shirt by itself. Getting a ticket to the game is just an unbelievable throw in. I'm thinking about going myself. I just won't tell anyone that I'm only 50% Irish. I guess I can round up. It would suck to be 49%!

Let's get rowdy!

Buy special tickets to Irish Night (and other nights) here.

Another heart-attacker

Nothing comes easy with these guys!

Great to see Uribe and Ishikawa going deep. I really think that Travis has gotten a fire lit under his ass since the arrival of Garks. Unfortunately, that hasn't translated into too many hits. He's still pluggin away though, and his three run dong tonight was huge.

As for Lurch Howry... well, the guy is simply a disaster right now. He threw 7 pitches, and 6 of them were balls. He was removed in the middle of an at bat with a 2-0 count. I can't remember the last time that's happened to a Giants pitcher, except when injured. The guy has absolutely derailed!

It may be time to make up an injury for Lurchy like they do for Rich Aurilia and get him on the DL. Just call it swine flu or arm fatigue, or an anxiety disorder, or strike zone-itis. Whatever... just fix this guy! He cannot find the strike zone to save his life, and is seriously down on himself. Each game is too critical to have liabilities in the bullpen. This also includes Justin Miller and Merkin Valdez, who have derailed almost as severely as of late. These three guys have combined for some absolutely ghastly statistics.

Since August 20th, Miller, Valdez, and Howry have combined for 4.1 IP, 13 ER, 11 BB, and 9 Hits. That of course comes out to a 27.00 ERA and a 4.62 WHIP.

Us fantasy freaks just threw up in our collective mouth a little bit. Good Lord. When you can't trust 43% of your bullpen, you've gotta make a roster move.

-- Despite throwing 91 pitches in the last calendar week (including 41 last night), Brian Wilson trucked himself out there again. Things were looking okay, but you could tell he didn't have his best stuff. As Kruk and Kuip pointed out, his velocity was down, and when he did reach his normal speeds, the balls were wild. Bochy had little choice but to put him out there, but I think Romo for the 9th would've been a better choice from the get go. When closers are throwing 97-100 mph for over 100 pitches in 8 days and 41 pitches within 24 hours, you're looking at a disaster. With the back of the rotation coming up, the bullpen situation is looking scary.

God forbid this happens, but what if Sanchez and Martinez bomb out in 4 or 5 innings? Who will Boch cart out there? These guys seriously look like their arms are going to fall off all at once. The only guys I'd even want to throw tomorrow are Romo and Medders. Wilson is off limits, Affeldt is effective but exhausted, and How-Merk-iller is a trainwreck.

Right now in AAA Fresno, there are a few names that jump out at you, but none have been throwing particularly well lately. Despite decent ERA's on the year, Geno Espineli, Alex Hinshaw, and Osiris Matos have all been knocked since August 16th to the tune of a 9.53 ERA.

A better bet might be to call up Kevin Pucetas or Ryan Sadowski to move into a long reliever role, despite the fact that both have been working as starters. Obviously, I'd lean toward Pucetas because of Sadowski's last outings at in the bigs.

Anyway, let's hope The Spaniard shuts down the D-Bags tomorrow.

Keep the faith. We're still in this. Tuesday's win was a huge statement. It wasn't easy or pretty, but hey, we beat one of MLB's best pitchers and were able to reload after a 14 inning demoralizing disaster. That really says something.

Get well Freddy Sanchez and Kung Fu!

Huge series in Denver

After a disastrous and demoralizing 2-5 road trip thus far through Pittsburgh and Atlanta, it's time for Los Gigantes to snap out of their funk.

It took Barry Zito's gem and bad Braves D to get us a win in Atlanta, and these next few games in Colorado are huge.

See... in case you didn't realize. The Rockies are now leading the Wild Card and we are in 3rd place in the NL West. Yeah, not winning will do that to ya...

Anyway, let's hope Matt Cain can throw some Southern Heat up there in the mountains and keep us on track. It'll be the hitting that determines our fate.

Fear not Giants fans, we are a streaky team. We got spoiled there for a few weeks and it made us forget about the disastrous early part of the season. We'll be back. Don't worry.

Some notes: Rich Aurilia quietly may have strapped on his jock for the last time as a Giant. In order to re-call The Big Sadowski, we had to put Richie on the DL with a bogus toe infection.

They really didn't have any choice. He was hitting .210 with a ghastly .545 OPS in only 105 at bats. Juan Uribe took over his job, and despite his maddening defense, is a much better player at this point. It is a much better way of handling it than outright releasing him, a la Kirk Rueter a few years ago. It's a way for Richie to fade into the night and keeping his dignity intact.

Rich is the last Giant left over from our hayday, and is the link to happier memories. However he has served us well as a link to brighter days as well. I will miss his entrance song, the Beastie Boys' "No Sleep Till Brooklyn", and I will miss his enthusiasm and professionalism that he brought to every game.

You are a true Giant among men Richie A, and I for one, loved watching you play.

(God this is getting emotional... I'm practically tearing up)...

Responses from the last entry:

I got a lot of positive reviews on the last blog entry, as ridiculous as it was. If you'd like to read it, it should be directly under this post, or click here.

I know it was definitely weird at first, but once you get into it, it sparks arguments over which woman is which player. Here are some comments from McCovey Chronicles readers as well as from this site's comment section... almost like a Bill Simmons mailbag! Wooohooo!



Some decent ones, namely Zito, Sanchez, & the AA boys, but Brian Wilson = Megan Fox?

by NeifiChicken on Jul 22, 2009 7:33 PM PDT


I agree, Brian Wilson is a tease.

by MonkeyChow on Jul 22, 2009 7:34 PM PDT



Agree that wilson shouldn’t be fox. And I don’t really like the lincecum-heigl comparison either.

by raisingcain



Weird.

by Natto on Jul 22, 2009 8:06 PM PDT



At least the author admits to being a big time sleaze.

by BaronVonCurrentEvents on Jul 22, 2009 11:25 PM PDT



I like the concluding “No, we’re NOT re-imagining these athletes as women so we can safely speculate about sleeping with them aieee noo!!!” disclaimer.

by Evan on Jul 23, 2009 6:35 AM PDT


I always thought of Matt Cain as the Rachael Leigh Cook type in “She’s All That.” Not quite up to par with those hot cheerleaders, but then when she takes off the glasses you’re like “Hey, she’s hot too!” (glasses being an analogy for wins of course)

by SeeingStars on Jul 22, 2009 9:09 PM PDT

This makes me embarrassed for our blog

by hairball on Jul 23, 2009 9:08 AM PDT

Even though its blatant Simmons-style writing, its pretty funny.

by Kestrel76 on Jul 23, 2009 6:02 PM PDT

Aparajit said...

Lincecum - Jessica Alba
Matt Cain - Jordana Spiro
Jonathan Sanchez - Christina Hendricks
Barry Zito - Paris Hilton
Ryan Sadowski - Tara Reid
Randy Johnson - Sharon Stone
Sergio Romo - Drew Barrymore
Jeremy Affedlt - Jenniffer Aniston
Justin Miller - Amy Winehouse
MadBum & Timmeh 2 - Miley Cyrus
Merkin Valdez - ?
Brian Wilson - Angelina Jolie
July 23, 2009 6:16 PM

And my personal favorite...

I found this hilarious at many points. Mostly because I love women and baseball, but never thought the two could be related. Now my life is complete.

by jnormous on Jul 23, 2009 9:41 AM PDT

Thinking of the Giants pitching staff as women

Wait... what?

Yeah, I know. Weird, right?

Hilarious story actually.

My buddy Spence and I were talking about how Sergio Romo went from lockdown to disaster in the span of a week. One of us called him a "two faced bitch." This inevitably led to a discussion of what kind of woman each Giants pitcher would be. No homo.

When you put it in these analytical terms, it makes more sense. I mean, what else do we Giants fans think about? Chicks and sports. Only if you're lucky do the two work seamlessly with each other. Anyway. Hope you get some laughs and insight into this.

Tim Lincecum

Timmy is the keeper of a lifetime. She's the girl that if you're lucky enough to convince her to dig you, you better not mess it up. She's sexy as hell, smart, laid back, will age well, and has enough of a wild streak to keep you begging for more without being a crazy ass bitch. (I'm picturing Katherine Heigl here). This is the one you need to marry. If you don't, you might see her going out with some douchebag from New York City or Boston someday, and you'll never forgive yourself as long as you live.


Matt Cain

Cain is the friend with benefits that wants to be more, but you just aren't sure. She's not unattractive by any means, and has even gotten better looking in recent years by dropping a few pounds. But no matter what she does, you're always going to see her more as a friend than a girlfriend. Plus her best friend is Tim Lincecum, and she'll never be able to top that.

Jonathan Sanchez

Wow! What a butterface! Sanchez is the girl that almost has it all. She's got a body to die for and a fun personality, but you have a hard time looking at her face. It usually takes a few vodka tonics to make you forget about her mug sometimes, and dimly lit bars or dark bedrooms are the best settings for her. Every now and then, she'll wear a trashy denim skirt and low cut tank top to a Kenny Chesney concert and you'll forget all about her facial shortcomings.

Randy Johnson

Randy Johnson is a cougar on the prowl. Man she was hot back when she was younger. Still, even at 45 years old, you'll see her hustling pool at the Silver Peso in Larkspur or the Viking in Novato, and think, man, for 45, she's still pretty hot and I'd still do her. Plus you've seen pictures of her back at 26, and it's like, "Damn... she was unbelievable."

Ryan Sadowski

Ryan Sadowski is the goofy band camp geek from high school that you never talked to, but ran into at a party in college a few years later. She gets liquored up from 3 screwdrivers and some Natty Light out of the keg and admits she's had a crush on you since Freshman year. She's throws herself at you, and since you've been hitting the Beam and Diets all night, you can't help but do it. Then you feel horrible in the morning because you can't stand the sight of her and her clinginess and knew it was a huge mistake.


Barry Zito

Barry Zito is the girl you thought was Tim Lincecum. You thought she had all those qualities and you could spend the rest of your life with her. You have a child together, and you're doing great in your career, making 7 figures. Next thing you know, she starts drinking and stops caring. You become the bad guy for working so much, and inevitably an ugly divorce ensues. You want so badly never to see her again, but she takes all your money, and you have to keep things civil for the sake of your daughter. Next thing you know, after she's taken everything from you, and you think you're rid of her, she marries some famous guy from LA, gets 3 plastic surgery procedures, and looks better than ever in the tabloids on the arm of that jerk. She ruined everything.

Sergio Romo

Romo was smoking hot in her senior year of high school. She was a high 8 then, and everyone thought she'd only get better looking. Then you saw her next summer, and she'd put on 20 pounds in college and wore the same kinds of clothes that she did before. Smoking a pack of Marb Lights and drinking a fifth of vodka in a night is nothing for her. But would you still do her? Of course. Plus, once she gets her life back together and gets over the craziness of sorority life, she'll probably return to a level comparable to her original form.

Jeremy Affeldt

Affeldt is solid as a rock. She's definitely marriage material. Not too exciting or overly sexy, but is pretty and is generally even keel. She makes you better and doesn't have any negative qualities. Plus she's a lefty and a great mom.

Bobby Howry

Howry is a plain jane that had some good years in her prime. She's more personality than looks, but is so damn weird that no one wastes their time trying to figure her out. She's like an accountant or librarian that went downhill quickly after age 35 and will never recover. Probably an X-Files fan.

Justin Miller

Justin Miller is the weird punk/hippie chick that you don't really know, but have met once or twice through friends. She's into a totally different scene than you, and some of the things you've heard her say are offensive and bizarre, but it's because she's so counter-cultural that you're intrigued. Yes, you've thought about it, but it'll never happen.

YOU STILL WITH ME??

Brandon Medders

Medders is the country bumpkin from out yonder. You love her accent and the fact that she barrel races in rodeos and knows how to bass fish, but she's just not attractive enough for you to be interested in. Could she get the job done? Of course! What else is there to do in the sticks? But... ehh...

Bonus pitchers:

Madison Bumgarner & Tim Alderson

They are jailbait. Maybe 16 or 17 years old, maybe your buddy's little sister. They're drop dead gorgeous and definitely mature enough, but the law-abiding citizen in you says "NO!" and jumps into water at Ocean Beach. You feel weird for thinking about them, but then try to justify it because they're only thoughts. You promise yourself you'll test the waters around Christmas break in a year or two when you see them at a family friend's party.


Merkin Valdez

First of all, if you don't know what a "merkin" is. Click here. Hilarious.

Merkin Valdez is the foreign chick. Maybe she works at the Mexican restaurant, maybe she's a foreign exchange student. Either way she's got some hot Latina stuff going on that you're very intrigued by. She doesn't speak English, so you don't know how to hit on her, except she understands what you're getting at once you buy her a shot of tequila and lead her onto the dance floor. Obviously not girlfriend material, but exciting nonetheless.




Last but not least...

Brian Wilson

Brian Wilson is nuts. She is the craziest chick ever. She dyes her hair black and she's got blue eyes. She rides a Harley and loves to drink whiskey. She's got a tattoo that peeks out above her low-rise jeans and it wraps all the way around. You're dying to see it. She's Megan Fox.


"She's like a needle to a junkie, she's like whiskey to a drunk. Poker to a gambler, like a bullet in a gun... You can't quit her." -- Gary Allan


She's the crazy ass chick you can't keep up with but can't get enough of. It might be the death of you, but you can't quit her.


Hilarious stuff there. And no one is picturing the Giants as women... just an interesting take on it. Plus... tell me I'm not right! Can someone PLEASE get Bill Simmons to put this in his mailbag?? Haha. Later dudes.