This blog is dedicated first and foremost to the San Francisco Giants. Secondly it is devoted to the smearing and ripping of the most disgusting franchise in professional sports: The Los Angeles Dodgers.
I said it yesterday on Twitter, and I'll say it again here.
I don't care if Barry Zito threw 4 perfect games in a row in he minor leagues, he's not better than Ryan Vogelsong, and he does NOT under any circumstances belong in the Giants' starting rotation (barring injury to another starer of course).
Zito is a cat that has run out of lives. Somehow though, he's still there, like a zombie that just won't die in a terrible movie.
He's a great human being, a good teammate, and a hard worker. That will endear him to people who know him and get to spend time with him, but for fans fed up with his act, it doesn't help at all.
If it wasn't for his asinine albatross of a contract, he'd have been signing minor league deals with the A's and Royals, trying to hook on with a major league club for the last 3 years. He's not a viable major league pitcher anymore.
I would rather have Pedro Martinez and John Smoltz come out of retirement, completely out of shape, and start every 5th day for the Giants than Barry Zito. In fact, I'd rather have Ryan Vogelsong than Barry Zito.
I hate kicking him when he's down, and repeatedly beating a long since dead pile of horses, but Zeets no longer has a place on this team.
The bullpen suggestion is absurd. Our bullpen is good. In fact it's really good. The only two guys in the 'pen with an ERA near 4.00 are Affeldt and Billy Mota, both who have pitched very well for most of the year. What purpose would Zito serve? We already have two lefties in the pen, and Zito had a higher ERA against lefties last year than righties. He's not a left-handed specialist. He's not a reliever, and he's not a starter. He's a man with out a use. He's useless.
Again, we're not talking about about Barry Zito the man. We're talking about Barry Zito the baseball player.
Barry Zito the man is funny, charming, philanthropic, and makes women salivate when he messes up his hair and let's gay guys photograph him for magazines. He's a great dude, and I want nothing but the best for him in his personal life.
But after his horrific second half last year, his rubbish-worthy start this season, and his overall track record in Orange & Black, he has no place on my team or in my organization.
If I'm Brian Sabean, I have a long talk with Mr. Neukom and Mr. Baer, and hammer out the most economically viable way to rid ourselves of Zeets. Any, and I mean ANY amount of money saved in a transaction ridding us of Zito is a net positive.
Would a team desperate for pitching pay 25 percent of his contract until it's completion? 20 percent? A quarter of his 2011 salary is around $4.6MM.
Surely a team could pay him that for a couple years. Maybe Washington or the Mets. Perhaps Florida or the Astros.
And you know what, if a team is desperate enough for a left-handed veteran starter, they might spring for him. They won't have to give up anything. Just take him.
And the benefit of Zito leaving is exponential.
No more dark cloud hanging over the rotation... No more "But what happens when Zito comes back?" questions to be asked.
And here's another thing. Last time I checked, $4.6MM could be used to help pay for an every day player, an expensive reliever, or used to put some goddamn backrests on our primitive bleachers.
If giving away Zito saved even 3 million, it would be a blessing.
Ryan Vogelsong thus far has been everything we wanted Zito to be this season and more. He deserves an all-star berth, and Bumgarner doesn't deserve to be rested, demoted or skipped. Zito has no place in the bullpen.
Firstly, I'd like to apologize for not getting any articles out recently (other than some nonsense). It's been a little hectic (for my standards). I have been Twittering about stuff, and I encourage you to follow @TheDodgerhater if you're into that sort of thing. It's kinda fun, and I never thought I'd ever be down.
With all the Spring Training topics to BS about (or freak out about), I thought I'd kinda do something different for this post. I could talk about the Bumgarner nightmare, or the fact that Buster Posey has a 1.055 OPS while Big Money Molina's is even better (1.077). I'm choosing to look forward, rather than focus the all too tough-to-decipher Spring Training scene.
Last year, Sabean signed some random dudes named Justin Miller and Brandon Medders to throw baseballs for a living. "I'm a Little Bit Country" Medders and "I'm a little bit Rock & Roll" Miller were serious cogs in our 'pen all season long-- especially Miller.
Miller essentially became the 7th inning bridge to Affeldt and Wilson that Lurch Howry was supposed to be, and goddamn did he excel at it. Until he broke down at the end of the year (which was due to serious injury) Miller was sick.
During this time, Sergio Romo was a bit of an enigma. When right, his movement is purely disgusting. His breaking balls almost look like screwballs and he backdoors left-handers like it's his job. (Uh... yeah)
But as a relatively inexperienced dude, he got into a serious funk befitting Earth Wind & Fire or the Ohio Players. Remember last July when he gave up 7 earnies is 3 appearances? Despite his impressive performance last year overall, there were times when he just wasn't trustworthy. This year he will be required to be Justin Miller-- a steadfast 7th inning monster, minus the "LA" tattoo and the August/September breakdown.
(Quick note: Justin Miller is now a Dodger, so from here on out, he shall not be mentioned)
The other guy in the 2010 pen who is both intriguing and hair-raisingly exciting, is rookie Danny Runzler.
A guy buried on many's radars, The Runzmeister burst onto the scene as a late callup in '09, K'ing 11 in as many appearances. Armed with a gaseous heater and some wicked breaking stuff, we could really be looking at the closer of the future. As much as I like B-Weezy, the "Mullethawked One" will become increasingly expensive in his next two arby hearings.
I believe Runzler to be fully ready to step into a significant bullpen role in 2010 as a both a situational lefty (.059 BAA vs. lefties in '09), and a guy who can give you a solid inning or two in any situation. Currently in Scottsdale, he has K'd 9 in only 4.2 innings. Yeah, yeah, I know. It's Spring Training, and he's thrown a limited amount of innings as a real pro, but this guy has shown nothing but promise and deliverance thus far.
As the season goes on, he will likely hit bumps in the road as all young big leaguers do. However, all indications thus far tell me that this cat is ready for the show.
As for the rest of the bullpen, I see nothing but good things. Assuming we keep 12 pitchers (not a guarantee), we're looking at a pen of Brian Wilson, Jeremy Affeldt, Romo, Runzler, Medders, Todd Wellemeyer, and either Waldis Joaquin, Steve Johnson, Kevin Pucetas, or Guillermo Mota.
Personally, Pucetas looks like the 5th starter at this point, but that's another article for another day.
Indeed my friends, this bullpen looks deep, it looks solid, and I for one am very excited about it.
Pujols is the '09 NL MVP as expected, but check out the official BBWAA results for the exact rundown. As for the 3 Giants that received votes...
Pablo Sandoval finished 7th Tim Lincecum finished 19th (behind Carpenter and Wainwright interestingly)
Aaaanndddd.... drum roll please!
Jeremy Affeldt finished 28th with 1 10th place vote. Pretty cool for Affeldt who had a monster season as a setup man.
Interesting to me is that Mark Reynolds of Arizona finished 21st in the voting behind guys like Jayson Werth and Yunel Escobar. I know the guy is all or nothing and struck out like 873 times, but compare his numbers to Pujols's:
I'm not saying that Pujols didn't deserve to win unanimously, because he did, I'm just saying that Reynolds had an amazing season and got almost zero recognition, especially in the MVP vote.
These MVP votes are just bizarre in that way. While Reynolds was blasting dongs left and right all year, both Troy Tulowitzki and Derrek Lee, who finished 6th and 9th in the voting respectively, sucked for the first 6 weeks plus of the season.
Then there's the matter of how Timmy wins the Cy, but Carpenter and Wainwright (14th & 15th) finished ahead of his 19th place finish.
The right guy won, and I guess that's all that matters, but the rest of it makes zero friggin sense.
I swear... this act is getting really, REALLY old.
I've just never seen anything like this in all my days. We are, in effect living and dying with a team that literally loses by one run nearly every time. It is just the most frustrating damn thing on earth, it really is. Being positive is becoming harder and harder... pretty soon we're all going to start having a recurring nightmare where we're standing up at the altar, and the Giants don't show up for the wedding-- I mean playoffs.
We have now lost our past 4 games by a total of, yes you guessed it, FOUR RUNS. I'm becoming enraged as we speak.
Serenity now, Mr. Costanza. Serenity now. Deep breaths.
You probably saw the game, so I'll try not to dwell on details. After all, you don't read this for recaps. Let's talk about Madison Bumgarner. Come on, you perked up a little bit just now, didn't you?
To be honest, I thought I knew more about the kid than I did. For some reason, I thought he threw harder... like 94-96. Heh. I kinda felt like a scout or a pitcher on his day off, charting Mad-Bum's pitches in my notebook.
True fans chart pitches!
Anyway. He threw 76 pitches (I missed 1 or 2 due to CSN) in 5.1 innings with 2 earnies and 4 K's. Certainly a very respectable outing for a 20 year old Double A callup who didn't even expect to start.
I got a pretty good idea of his three pitches tonight-- especially once he settled down. His three quarter release from the left side is certainly part of why he is going to be an effective pitcher. It's a deceptive and almost a total cross-body pitching motion. Coupled with pretty damn good control, he's certainly got the tools.
It's difficult to truly gauge what a pitchers strengths and weaknesses are going to be from just one sample size, but here are my observations:
-- I charted 43 fastballs, most of which fell between 88-92 mph.
-- He threw 15 circle changeups which fell between 81-86 mph. He got a couple of big swings and misses on them early in the game. If he can improve this pitch, he could be a seriously good pitcher. This appears to be his weakest pitch.
-- His slider is his most deceptive, and in my opinion, best pitch. It appears really slurvy and flat, but it takes hitters by surprise, and is especially filthy to lefties. He got Adrian Gonzalez to look foolish on a couple of these. He threw this pitch 16 times and it nearly always landed on 78 mph. Bumgarner seemed extremely comfortable with his breaking ball. -- He needs to work on keeping the ball down. Too many of his fastballs were up, and the two dingers he gave up-- one to Chase Headley, and one to Will Venable-- were both fastballs, one was 90 mph and one was 92 respectively.
-- He simply doesn't throw hard enough to get away with fastballs up at the waist. Once he learns how to pitch, he'll be able to mix speeds even more effectively than he already does. I'm no pitching guru, but I'm thinking that if he is able to improve his changeup, he could really be something. Establishing his offspeed stuff first, then "blowing" them away with a 92 mph fastball could be filthy.
-- Bumster has incredible poise out there. He shows very little emotion, and seemed truly unrattled out there. He just strikes me as a confident, quiet Carolina kid that doesn't say too much and carries a big stick.
-- I really think we need to come up with a better nickname than "Mad-Bum". It's a cop out. My vote right now is "The Carolina Kid". I'm going to refer to him as that until someone comes up with something better. (This is what the comment section is for).
Game Notes & Quirky Observations
-- Hey Will Venable! Can you, like, not hit home runs against your hometown team? I'm happy to see a fellow San Rafael native do well in the majors, but dude! No more dingers for you!
-- Will's younger brother Winston is the starting safety for Boise State and his dad Max played for the Giants. San Rafael rules, but San Rafael High School sucks!
-- Jeremy Affeldt could be unraveling a bit. I really wouldn't be surprised. He's been incredible all year, but he's gotta be totally exhausted at this point. He's already appeared in 64 games, and is on pace to pitch in 75. Not a record, but still.
-- What a great play by Freddy Sanchez (I believe in the 7th). He saved the game from being a "three run blowout". A huge sno-cone job against Nick Hundley with the bases juiced. -- Everything about David Eckstein bothers me.
-- Everything.
-- Krukow's first observation of The Carolina Kid (see, told you I was starting it) was that "...he's a walker." As in, he walks out to the mound. Guy never ceases to crack me up on the simplest, stupidest things.
-- The effing Colorado Rockies won a-goddamn-gain. Can we get a little help here Cincy? Please?
-- I'm burying the fact that we're now three games back in the wild card all the way down here, as to prevent our anger from boiling over.
-- It's not working.
-- Pablo Sandoval has the highest single season batting average for a switch hitter in Gyros history. Currently at .326.
-- Chili Davis had the previous record at .315
-- An amazing thing has happened. Juan Uribe is so awesome, that the AT&T faithful have brought back the "OOOOOOOOOOOOOO! REEEEEEEE-BAAAY!" chant back. It's effing awesome. It was originally Candlestick chant for the late, great Jose Uribe, Juan's second cousin.
-- Why do these worthless old Balldudes get to have a #1 on their uni's? Screw that. The only #1 on the Giants is Big Money Molina. Give those guys double zero. Disrespectful oversight. I'm gonna talk to some people... straighten this out.
-- On that note, we absolutely need to bring back the black alternate uni's for next year. They were awesome. Seriously, just wear them on Friday nights at home, like we did back in the day. They were slick, sharp, and they've got some great mojo in them. The hats were sick too. -- No effing way. Aaron Rowand hit a home run at AT&T. He now has 14. He makes $12 million dollars
-- Juan Uribe has 12 dongs and makes one twelfth of what Rowand does.
-- Congrats to Randy Winn and Dave Flemming who just had a couple little bundles of loud, crying joy delivered by their wives in the last few days.
-- Merkin Valdez is not to be trusted anymore.
-- The only thing I'll say about the Milwaukee series is the following: Prince Fielder, you better be able to run, because you are getting drilled in the ribcage with a 95 mph widowmaker the next time we meet. You sons of bitches will not get away with that grotesque, choreographed monstrosity of a celebration. That kind of crap belongs off the field. You're not LeBron James, and you can't do that crap during a game.
Completely unacceptable. The entire Brewers organization should be fined for that garbage. Eff you guys. If you Giants fans aren't outraged by this, you don't care enough.
Okay Zito. We need a shutout I guess. Work your magic!
If it were even possible for me to love the game of baseball and the San Francisco Giants any more, well it happened.
I have re-fallen in love with this game and this team.
It's some serious man love.
What we've seen from this ragtag group of youngsters, out-of-their-prime veterans, and scrappy perfomers is simply mind boggling.
More specifically, if your brooms are still in their closets, you should really consider taking them out and bungee cording them to your mailboxes in front of your house... perhaps attach them to your roofracks of your cars as you drive around; an even more redneck version of the window flag.
5-1 on the Homestand, a sweep of the Rocks
Lincecum gave us what we needed on Friday. A true Timmy-esque shutdown job.
Zito threw the gem of his tumultuous Giants career on Saturday, going 8.1 innings of one run ball. He was truly masterful, save of course the bomb he gave up to the Hawpester in the 9th. No one knows what Romo and Affeldt were doing in that game, but we pulled it off, and it was amazing.
Kung Fu's HR's on Friday and Saturday were incredible, especially considering his injury.
Things just looked like they were inevitably going the Giants way, even with the blowout they sustained against Arizona on Thursday and the near 9th inning meltdown on Saturday. There was a certain confidence about these guys that somehow permeated the physical and media barriers that separate us from the team. It's like exuberant confidence by osmosis.
This team is the embodiment of what the baseball gods smile upon from their perch.
Sunday Best
From the beginning of Sunday's game, I will admit, I didn't feel a good vibe. Cain did not look sharp from the get go. The abominable call at first base with Cain covering didn't help my uneasiness.
Then there were those back to back jacks from Helton and Tulo.
I was squirming in a major way at that point.
When you're only down 1 game in the Wild Card race, it seems difficult to have two season-turning plays. Of course that is generally reserved for seasons that need to be turned around.
Not in this case.
The oft-maligned Edgar Renteria, a guy making $8 million this year and next, a guy that Sabean haters target mercilessly, showed up in a big way.
Before his at bat in the 6th inning, I stared at the television graphic of his stats with serious disdain. 3 home runs.
I muttered, "This would be a great time for your 4th homer you bum."
Boom. RBI Double off the wall. Giants down 4-2. I'll take that.
The bottom of the 7th came around with the Gyros down 5-2.
One thing led to another, and Edgar came up with the sacks full of Gigantes.
Instead of saying out loud what I'd muttered an inning before, I simply thought about it; and I definitely wasn't the only one. Bases loaded, down 3? What else do you think about? Boom, just as we were all praying for the unthinkable, there it was. Grand Salame time. He almost hit the ambulance parked behind the left field wall!
Not only did this incredibly clutch swing of the bat give us a 6-5 lead, it renewed all kinds of hopes and dreams. Naturally, it renewed our dream of winning the game and sweeping the Rockpile for a share of the wild card. More importantly though, it renewed our faith in a player who for so long this season has disappointed us in so many ways.
Renteria has not been horrible. He has had timely singles and such. He's made a couple good plays. He went after Russell Martin in a brouhaha.
His best quality, not surprisingly, is his "clutchness". Look at this magnificent table below that I've put together for you. If you are reading this in an email newsfeed, you have to click here to see it.
Don't freak out, those stats are correct. A lot of the situations overlap.
But seriously, look at those numbers. Obviously your approach at the plate is going to be different without runners on, as you'll swing aggressively, but c'mon, there's no denying that this man does his best work when it counts.
Renteria has 24 ribeye steaks this year with runners in scoring position (RISP) and two outs. That, my friends, is the definition of clutch.
The game, and more importantly the season changed today with one swing of the bat from Edgar.
Quirky game notes and observations:
-- If you didn't catch this stat on CSN or in the papers, Barry Zito is now 105-4 when he gets 4 runs of support or more.
-- Zito this year has received 1 run or less of support in 12 out of his 26 starts and has received ZERO runs of support in 9 starts. Unconscionable.
-- Zeets is 4-2 with a 1.77 ERA since the all star break. His last two starts have been against the Rocks, and has combined for 14.1 innings, 1 ER, and 11K. That's a 0.62 ERA. Yeehaw. -- Zeets got a curtain call. Well deserved.
-- How often are we going to score 9 runs when Kung Fu goes hitless?
-- Aaron Rowand walked. Alert the media.
-- Affeldt's recovery on Sunday to escape a jam and strike out both Garrett Atkins and Carlos Gonzalez was absolutely monstrous. He was able to shake off an ugly performance in Saturday's 9th inning to throw some absolute filth up there. The backdoor curveball to punch out Atkins was disgusting, and his subsequent ring-up job of Gonzalez was enough to fire anyone up. Especially him.
If you couldn't tell he was pumped up to exorcise some mound demons in the 8th inning, well, then you were blind. He was screaming and pumping his fists in a way that would make K Rod and Papelbon look like shamed altar boys. Rock on dude.
-- Eli Whiteside? Absolute Beast. Bengie Who?
-- Ryan Rohlinger's 2 RBI single on a 1-2 pitch was absolutely huge. Busted it wide open.
-- Alex Hinshaw coming in to a huge game in the 6th inning? Not so good. Bochy, come on man... you knew better than that. If you wanted to get his feet wet for the '09 season... you accomplished that. They're so wet that he's got a case of trench foot. Not a wise substitution.
-- Anyone remember Ryan Garko and Freddy Sanchez? Our two huge acquisitions have been nowhere to be found. With Sanch on the DL and Garks mired in a slump, they've been non-existent. The very guys that were here all along are the ones winning the games. Funny how that happens.
-- Garko hasn't started since the 26th, and is 1-10 since August 24th.
-- Was it me, but did Garko's shades today look like some kind of fashion glasses? They had shiny gold stems. Almost as if they were daytripping Ray-Bans or something. WTF Garks? If you need a tip for glasses, go with the extreme orange mirrored Fred Lewis glasses or the transparent yellow/orange NRA militia glasses that Jeff Kent used to wear.
-- Speaking of Jeff Kent. Good to see that son of a bitch back at the yard in a real hat. We will never forget that you played for the Dodgers, but we will forgive you. Kent was an absolute beast for us, and is a future hall of famer. I'm glad we've all reconciled. They put his picture up on the Wall of Fame with his moustache. Excellent. True sleaze.
-- With the stakes so high, have you ever in your life seen so many mound visits between Bochy, Dave Righetti, Jim Tracy, and Bob Apodaca? I think we're talking record for a 3 game series. I swear there was a mound visit per inning. Not even including the catchers.
-- Brian Wilson threw 4 pitches to Troy Tulowitzki on Sunday. All four were 100 mph. I was counting. Pure filth.
-- If you were on a hike in Colorado and saw Todd Helton emerge from a sheer cliffside with a bloody elk carcass strung over his shoulders and a .300 Magnum elephant gun slung over his arm, would you be surprised? Mountain Man. Why he's not Coors Light's national spokesperson is beyond me. -- Remember how Clint Barmes hurt himself a few years ago, derailing a .400 season to that point? He was carrying huge pieces of vennison up his stairs with Todd Helton and fell down. Love it.
-- New idea for a reality show. Bear Grylls, Todd Helton, and Ted Nugent shoot guns and eat wild game. That's it.
Huge series coming up. Three in Philly, three in Milwauks. It's go time boys. The road is where the playoffs are made! We come back to play the streaking Padres and the Blue Bastards de Los Angeles.
I will leave you with some inspirational quotes from Krook & Kuip from the postgame wrap on CSN.
Kuip:
"For those who proclaimed Tuesday morning that this team was dead, and it was over for them... they're gonna have to try again.
Krook:
"The clown that said that needs to eat his words."
"I've got two words to say about this weekend: I'M IN!"
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Great to see Uribe and Ishikawa going deep. I really think that Travis has gotten a fire lit under his ass since the arrival of Garks. Unfortunately, that hasn't translated into too many hits. He's still pluggin away though, and his three run dong tonight was huge.
As for Lurch Howry... well, the guy is simply a disaster right now. He threw 7 pitches, and 6 of them were balls. He was removed in the middle of an at bat with a 2-0 count. I can't remember the last time that's happened to a Giants pitcher, except when injured. The guy has absolutely derailed!
It may be time to make up an injury for Lurchy like they do for Rich Aurilia and get him on the DL. Just call it swine flu or arm fatigue, or an anxiety disorder, or strike zone-itis. Whatever... just fix this guy! He cannot find the strike zone to save his life, and is seriously down on himself. Each game is too critical to have liabilities in the bullpen. This also includes Justin Miller and Merkin Valdez, who have derailed almost as severely as of late. These three guys have combined for some absolutely ghastly statistics.
Since August 20th, Miller, Valdez, and Howry have combined for 4.1 IP, 13 ER, 11 BB, and 9 Hits. That of course comes out to a 27.00 ERA and a 4.62 WHIP.
Us fantasy freaks just threw up in our collective mouth a little bit. Good Lord. When you can't trust 43% of your bullpen, you've gotta make a roster move.
-- Despite throwing 91 pitches in the last calendar week (including 41 last night), Brian Wilson trucked himself out there again. Things were looking okay, but you could tell he didn't have his best stuff. As Kruk and Kuip pointed out, his velocity was down, and when he did reach his normal speeds, the balls were wild. Bochy had little choice but to put him out there, but I think Romo for the 9th would've been a better choice from the get go. When closers are throwing 97-100 mph for over 100 pitches in 8 days and 41 pitches within 24 hours, you're looking at a disaster. With the back of the rotation coming up, the bullpen situation is looking scary.
God forbid this happens, but what if Sanchez and Martinez bomb out in 4 or 5 innings? Who will Boch cart out there? These guys seriously look like their arms are going to fall off all at once. The only guys I'd even want to throw tomorrow are Romo and Medders. Wilson is off limits, Affeldt is effective but exhausted, and How-Merk-iller is a trainwreck.
Right now in AAA Fresno, there are a few names that jump out at you, but none have been throwing particularly well lately. Despite decent ERA's on the year, Geno Espineli, Alex Hinshaw, and Osiris Matos have all been knocked since August 16th to the tune of a 9.53 ERA.
A better bet might be to call up Kevin Pucetas or Ryan Sadowski to move into a long reliever role, despite the fact that both have been working as starters. Obviously, I'd lean toward Pucetas because of Sadowski's last outings at in the bigs.
Anyway, let's hope The Spaniard shuts down the D-Bags tomorrow.
Keep the faith. We're still in this. Tuesday's win was a huge statement. It wasn't easy or pretty, but hey, we beat one of MLB's best pitchers and were able to reload after a 14 inning demoralizing disaster. That really says something.
My buddy Spence and I were talking about how Sergio Romo went from lockdown to disaster in the span of a week. One of us called him a "two faced bitch." This inevitably led to a discussion of what kind of woman each Giants pitcher would be. No homo.
When you put it in these analytical terms, it makes more sense. I mean, what else do we Giants fans think about? Chicks and sports. Only if you're lucky do the two work seamlessly with each other. Anyway. Hope you get some laughs and insight into this.
Tim Lincecum
Timmy is the keeper of a lifetime. She's the girl that if you're lucky enough to convince her to dig you, you better not mess it up. She's sexy as hell, smart, laid back, will age well, and has enough of a wild streak to keep you begging for more without being a crazy ass bitch. (I'm picturing Katherine Heigl here). This is the one you need to marry. If you don't, you might see her going out with some douchebag from New York City or Boston someday, and you'll never forgive yourself as long as you live.
Matt Cain
Cain is the friend with benefits that wants to be more, but you just aren't sure. She's not unattractive by any means, and has even gotten better looking in recent years by dropping a few pounds. But no matter what she does, you're always going to see her more as a friend than a girlfriend. Plus her best friend is Tim Lincecum, and she'll never be able to top that.
Jonathan Sanchez
Wow! What a butterface! Sanchez is the girl that almost has it all. She's got a body to die for and a fun personality, but you have a hard time looking at her face. It usually takes a few vodka tonics to make you forget about her mug sometimes, and dimly lit bars or dark bedrooms are the best settings for her. Every now and then, she'll wear a trashy denim skirt and low cut tank top to a Kenny Chesney concert and you'll forget all about her facial shortcomings.
Randy Johnson
Randy Johnson is a cougar on the prowl. Man she was hot back when she was younger. Still, even at 45 years old, you'll see her hustling pool at the Silver Peso in Larkspur or the Viking in Novato, and think, man, for 45, she's still pretty hot and I'd still do her. Plus you've seen pictures of her back at 26, and it's like, "Damn... she was unbelievable." Ryan Sadowski
Ryan Sadowski is the goofy band camp geek from high school that you never talked to, but ran into at a party in college a few years later. She gets liquored up from 3 screwdrivers and some Natty Light out of the keg and admits she's had a crush on you since Freshman year. She's throws herself at you, and since you've been hitting the Beam and Diets all night, you can't help but do it. Then you feel horrible in the morning because you can't stand the sight of her and her clinginess and knew it was a huge mistake.
Barry Zito
Barry Zito is the girl you thought was Tim Lincecum. You thought she had all those qualities and you could spend the rest of your life with her. You have a child together, and you're doing great in your career, making 7 figures. Next thing you know, she starts drinking and stops caring. You become the bad guy for working so much, and inevitably an ugly divorce ensues. You want so badly never to see her again, but she takes all your money, and you have to keep things civil for the sake of your daughter. Next thing you know, after she's taken everything from you, and you think you're rid of her, she marries some famous guy from LA, gets 3 plastic surgery procedures, and looks better than ever in the tabloids on the arm of that jerk. She ruined everything.
Sergio Romo
Romo was smoking hot in her senior year of high school. She was a high 8 then, and everyone thought she'd only get better looking. Then you saw her next summer, and she'd put on 20 pounds in college and wore the same kinds of clothes that she did before. Smoking a pack of Marb Lights and drinking a fifth of vodka in a night is nothing for her. But would you still do her? Of course. Plus, once she gets her life back together and gets over the craziness of sorority life, she'll probably return to a level comparable to her original form.
Jeremy Affeldt
Affeldt is solid as a rock. She's definitely marriage material. Not too exciting or overly sexy, but is pretty and is generally even keel. She makes you better and doesn't have any negative qualities. Plus she's a lefty and a great mom.
Bobby Howry
Howry is a plain jane that had some good years in her prime. She's more personality than looks, but is so damn weird that no one wastes their time trying to figure her out. She's like an accountant or librarian that went downhill quickly after age 35 and will never recover. Probably an X-Files fan. Justin Miller
Justin Miller is the weird punk/hippie chick that you don't really know, but have met once or twice through friends. She's into a totally different scene than you, and some of the things you've heard her say are offensive and bizarre, but it's because she's so counter-cultural that you're intrigued. Yes, you've thought about it, but it'll never happen. YOU STILL WITH ME??
Brandon Medders
Medders is the country bumpkin from out yonder. You love her accent and the fact that she barrel races in rodeos and knows how to bass fish, but she's just not attractive enough for you to be interested in. Could she get the job done? Of course! What else is there to do in the sticks? But... ehh...
Bonus pitchers:
Madison Bumgarner & Tim Alderson
They are jailbait. Maybe 16 or 17 years old, maybe your buddy's little sister. They're drop dead gorgeous and definitely mature enough, but the law-abiding citizen in you says "NO!" and jumps into water at Ocean Beach. You feel weird for thinking about them, but then try to justify it because they're only thoughts. You promise yourself you'll test the waters around Christmas break in a year or two when you see them at a family friend's party.
Merkin Valdez
First of all, if you don't know what a "merkin" is. Click here. Hilarious.
Merkin Valdez is the foreign chick. Maybe she works at the Mexican restaurant, maybe she's a foreign exchange student. Either way she's got some hot Latina stuff going on that you're very intrigued by. She doesn't speak English, so you don't know how to hit on her, except she understands what you're getting at once you buy her a shot of tequila and lead her onto the dance floor. Obviously not girlfriend material, but exciting nonetheless.
Last but not least...
Brian Wilson
Brian Wilson is nuts. She is the craziest chick ever. She dyes her hair black and she's got blue eyes. She rides a Harley and loves to drink whiskey. She's got a tattoo that peeks out above her low-rise jeans and it wraps all the way around. You're dying to see it. She's Megan Fox.
"She's like a needle to a junkie, she's like whiskey to a drunk. Poker to a gambler, like a bullet in a gun... You can't quit her." -- Gary Allan
She's the crazy ass chick you can't keep up with but can't get enough of. It might be the death of you, but you can't quit her.
Hilarious stuff there. And no one is picturing the Giants as women... just an interesting take on it. Plus... tell me I'm not right! Can someone PLEASE get Bill Simmons to put this in his mailbag?? Haha. Later dudes.
First and foremost, I'd like to apologize for not making a post in a couple months. I had a good run going there and I let this slide. I promise not to let that happen again. This is a long one, but I have a lot to say. With that being said, our Gyros are sitting at 49-39 heading into the stretch run. We're all diehards, but you cannot in all good conscience tell me that you expected them to be this good this late in the season.
It is this remarkable turnaround that has us all flying high and expecting crazy things.
Crazy things like:
1) Giving the Los Angeles Assholes a run for their money in the NL West
2) Securing the Wild Card spot over a potential group of 7 decent teams (St. Louis, Milwaukee, Chicago, Colorado, Florida, New York)
3) A second consecutive Cy Young for Timmy Lincecum or even a first Cy Young for Matt Cain.
4) Calling up one of our super prospects earlier than September
5) Going for it by making a deal to secure another bat or even the unthinkable-- another "A" list starting pitcher.
We'll get back to all of this later... Right now, let's talk about what went right in the first 88 games of the year. 1) Starting Pitching
Timmy Ballgame is enjoying another Cy Young/All-Star season. He's tied with the resurgent Justin Verlander for the ML lead with 149 K's. He's 2nd in ERA at 2.33. He's got 10 wins. Beast.
The best story thus far has to be Matt Cain, who also has 10 wins.
After years of growing pains, mind-bogglingly heinous run support, and some inconsistency, Matt Cain has had the type of first half befitting of any team's #1 starter-- let alone a #2.
What do the following names have in common? CC Sabathia, AJ Burnett, Cole Hamels, Carlos Zambrano, Daisuke Matsuzaka?
They all suck compared to Tennessee Thunder Cain halfway through the season.
Seriously. And a serious bargain as well.
Consider this table and just look at what each pitcher earned for each first half win:
What Cain and Lincecum are doing is just remarkable. Hell, even Tim McCarver's Cream of Wheat brain has put this together.
The angle that no one has been talking about in regards to Cain is his new and improved physique and endurance. Cain hit the weights hard in the offseason, and most likely changed his diet in a serious way. He's a good 10-15 pounds lighter this season and you can tell by looking at him that he's stronger in his upper body. This, along with some run support and his new badass mentality has really given us a helluva ballplayer-- someone who has re-established himself as an "untouchable" commodity in the organization.
2) Pablo Sandoval
The Kung Fu Pandoval phenomenon is in full swing. Even the East Coast-centric ESPN jerks are into the Panda. It's just a goddamn shame that he wasn't invited to the all-star game.
After a bit of a slow start, Pablito has truly hit his stride. How a guy playing 3 positions with a 15/55/.333 stat line doesn't get an all-star berth is simply baffling. Unfortunately he just doesn't have the name recognition yet.
But here, this is not an issue. We have people showing up to games in full panda suits and putting on panda masks during his AB's. Pablo is the coolest guy around, and truly rivals Timmy Ballgame as the Giants' most popular player.
As Krukow would say, "The guy was born to hit."
3) The Bullpen
What was a disaster last season is now a strength.
When the two worst ERA's in the 'Pen belong to Brian Wilson (3.66 ERA, 23 SV, 10.30 K/9) and Merkin Valdez (4.97 ERA, 0 ER & 7 K's in last 7 appearances), you don't have much to complain about.
Surely Brian Wilson drives us nuts and has blown some saves in ugly fashions (ahem... Milwaukee), and Bobby Howry has been a disappointment at times, but other than that, we've got some seriously solid arms in there.
The best of which has been 8th inning beast Jeremy Affeldt.
The 30 year old southpaw has had an all-star caliber season thus far notching extreme stats in the process:
34 IP, 19 Holds, 1.32 ERA, 8.21 K/9, and he currently has a 23 game scoreless streak going right now. He's an absolute bargain at $3.5 million and has been nothing short of incredible.
I see a lot of promise in Sergio Romo as well.
4) Aaron Rowand's resurgence
Ever since Bruce Bochy became desperate and plugged A-Row into the leadoff spot, we've seen a payoff for Rowand's huge payday.
No one really knows why Rowand hitting leadoff has clicked, but it must have something to do with the constant diet of fastballs he's feasting on.
Whatever it is, he's hovering around .300 and is no longer the whipping boy he once was. That of course is still Zito.
Issues for the second half:
1) Get Bengie Molina back on track
Bengie has been really hacking up there-- I mean swinging at balls a foot off the plate. He's not right mentally. He is still very upset about losing his father and is not happy that he hasn't been offered an extension by the Giants. He feels a little under appreciated, and is trying too hard and thinking too much. However, check this out little bit of "Fitz & Brooks-esque mojo" action.
Bengie missed Jonathan Sanchez's miraculous no-no because of the birth of his daughter. This, combined with a couple of days "off" recently (as if he got any rest with that crying baby), as well as signs of life heading into the break, leads me to believe that Bengie may make a comeback as the reliable power source he was earlier in the year.
2) Settle the rotation
What is the extent of Randy Johnson's injury? Will he be back as soon as planned? If he does come back, what do we do with Sanchez and Ryan Sadowski? And Zito? Despite Sanchez's no-hitter, I can't say he's a shoo-in for a starting spot, although he's certainly bought himself some more time.
The Big Sadowski has been pretty damn good, but will the magic end for the goofy Floridian?
3) What kind of move to we need to make? Who's out there?
We've heard a lot of rumors out there. Some are legitimate, some are not. With the blogosphere/talk radio/ESPN cycle going 24/7, random crap gets thrown out there constantly. I of course, am contributing to this phenomenon.
We all know the Giants need power, we've spoken and heard about this ad nauseum. There are very few guys out there that can supply that at a price that doesn't include our sacred gems of Buster Posey, Madison Bumgarner, and Matt Cain.
Let's be real here, this is a core of players that is going to be together for awhile. The future is bright.
Do you really want to trade Tim Alderson, Jonathan Sanchez, and a third minor leaguer for a slumping, Boras-represented, expiring contract, good-as-gone guy like Matt Holliday?
Absolutely not. He is one of the few impact bats out there, but his price is too hefty and his returns are not guaranteed.
The other rumor out there right now is the Giants going after Roy Halladay.
Huh?
Look, it isn't as crazy as it sounds. The price will be extremely steep, as it should be, and pitching is not of great need. However, there are only a handful of teams with minor league systems deep enough to make a legitimate trade offer to the Blue Jays.
It would take Sanchez. It would include either Bumgarner or Buster Posey in all actuality. That sucks. It really would suck.
However, the playoffs are built for disgusting pitching staffs like this fictitious one we're talking about here. Tim Lincecum, Roy Halladay, and Matt Cain is the closest thing to the holy trinity that could ever wear the same uniform.
Tell me who could compete with that. The Dodgers? The Cardinals? Phillies? Mets? Brewers? Rockies? Red Sox? Yankees? Rays? Rangers? Angels? Tigers? White Sox?
No one.
Halladay is signed for another year after this one, and will be nearly 34 when he becomes a free agent. But, he's also a future hall-of-famer.
We are all enamored with the modern day legends of Angel Villalona, Bumgarner, Posey, and Alderson, but I really think we should be living in the here and now. We could win it all... NOW.
Our system is deep.
Hypothetically, let's say we give up Madison Bumgarner and Conor Gillaspie and a third near major leaguer like Manny Burriss for Roy Halladay.
We have our holy trinity until the spring of 2011, plus Tim Alderson (a Matt Cain type pitcher) ready to break into the rotation, Jonathan Sanchez, and presumably a serviceable 10 win-capable Barry Zito.
We'll have Buster Posey ready to rock, the powerful Angel Villalona and Roger Kieschnick still in the system, and 3, count 'em 3 solid middle infielding prospects in Brandon Crawford, Nick Noonan, and Ehidre Adrianza. One of which, presumably the UCLA-groomed Crawford, will be major league ready by 2011 right when Edgar Renteria's contract is up.
So the Halladay for Bumgarner deal would not be the end of the world-- it would be the beginning of something incredible. And remember, the goal is to win a World Series. Look where Billy Beane has gotten thinking this way-- constantly looking towards the future and a bunch of unproven prospects. Why not us? Why not now?
More realistically though, Brian Sabean will play it safe, and keep our entire future intact.
Consider the following needs:
A reliable second baseman who can hit.
A reliable corner infielder who can hit.
A reliable corner outfielder who can hit.
Then, consider the following players available: Freddy Sanchez (2B, PIT), Austin Kearns (RF, WAS), Josh Willingham (LF, WAS), Nick Johnson (1B, WAS), Elijah Dukes (OF, WAS), Brian Roberts (2B, BAL), Aubrey Huff (1B, BAL), Luke Scott (LF, BAL), Mark Teahen (Util, KC).
These guys are all gettable, trust me.
How about this scenario:
Jonathan Sanchez, Nick Noonan/Brandon Crawford, and 10th rated prospect LHP Scott Barnes for Brian Roberts and Aubrey Huff. I do that in a second. Roberts is signed through 2013 and would be a great fit. Aubrey Huff can play 1B or 3B, and has a 11/56/.260 season going, in addition to an expiring contract. Would you deal Sanchez and Crawford for Brian Roberts and Huff? I would. In a second.
The holes have miraculously been filled!
2B Brian Roberts CF Aaron Rowand 3B Pablo Sandoval 1B Aubrey Huff C Bengie Molina RF Nate Schierholtz SS Edgar Renteria LF Randy Winn
The Blue Jays have 2 horrendous contracts and must unload one. Their names are Alex Rios and Vernon Wells.
Both can play center or left, and both are extremely talented, under performing players.
To rid themselves of one of these players, the Blue Jays would theoretically take Zito off our hands, if we ate some of his deal.
Hmmm.... interesting. Zito is owed basically $94 million through the remainder of his contract ($83 million when he's bought out- which he will be).
Vernon Wells is owed $98.5 million over the next 5 years.
It's almost an exact match of salaries. But, to make Toronto give up the clearly superior player, we will have to sweeten the deal, by eating some of Zito's contract, and/or throwing in another player like Gillaspie.
Let's say the Giants eat $20 million of Zito's deal. That would then make Toronto responsible for $63 mil ($83-20), as opposed to the $99 still owed to Wells.
Despite Wells' poor performance, he still provides a much better option than Randy Winn or Fred Lewis in left and is not nearly the lost cause that many think Zito has become. The Zito signing was a disaster, and as Tim Kawakami writes, it's time to move on, at nearly any cost.
Whew. There we go. More to come.
Oh yeah... we haven't done this in a while:
DODGER DOUCHEBAG OF THE WEEK:
Matt Kemp
According to multiple sources, Dodgers OF Matt Kemp was "...so drunk at the ESPYs that at one point during the evening, he stumbled and fell.
Even worse, in the process of falling, he grabbed a woman’s (who appeared to be his date) dress and completely pulled down her top. When those on the scene first attended to the prone Kemp, the woman shrieked, “What about me?!”"
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